Ivy - Writers Forum

Padders · 02-16-2008, 11:28 AM

Ivy

Common misconception of beauty
Both genius and curse.
Umbilical cord of existence
Entwine a choking land.

Trio crown mocks ownership
Pearled with anaemic vein.
Rooted as savage dog to flesh
Drinking life both mortar and bark.

Yet frosted by nights temperature
Mocking me at dawn.
Shimmering in masterful glory
An English country home.

citygirl · 02-16-2008, 08:20 PM

Lots of good use of words and metaphors in this piece.

Padders · 02-17-2008, 04:39 AM

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment citygirl, i have a feeling that i may drown a poem in metaphors, making it unreadable and over the top...trying to hard i think.

MisterJack · 02-17-2008, 04:44 AM

It was a bit heavy. Some clarity would help, and you may get more reviews. I read it as being either something to do with English monarchy or the construction industry. Probably way off

Its a good poem, but it does need to chill out a bit.

Jack

Padders · 02-17-2008, 04:53 AM

I read it as being either something to do with English monarchy or the construction industry. Probably way off

Thanks for making me laugh MisterJack, about nothing so grand i'm afraid...just Ivy and how the damn stuffs taking over my home and garden. Back to the drawing board i think...thanks for your comments.

MisterJack · 02-17-2008, 05:06 AM

In that case, it works really well actually. I was looking too deep for duel meaning.

Jack