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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
02-13-2008, 01:48 PM
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#1
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,453
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He
He,
He speaks in a fake, French accent and his humorous voice relaxes me.
I,
Can’t bare the thought of it ever leaving my ears.
We’re,
So totally over, we are really good friends.
The,
Time that we spend; I never want it to end.
So,
I wonder should I just keep away.
Confused,
And tormented by what’s making me stay.
__________________
'Jonny's laying in his sperm coffin and the angel looks down at him and says:
"Oh, pretty boy, can't you show me nothing but surrender?' - Patti Smith
Punk is dead - get over it.
Acid culture, techno culture, underground culture, rebel culture!
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02-13-2008, 11:40 PM
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#2
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: BC Canada
Gender: Female
Posts: 236
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Amber Leaf, Nice work! Like this alot. Good flow, image and feel to this poem. Keep writing ....right!  |
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02-13-2008, 11:45 PM
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#3
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Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Stockton Illinois
Gender: Male
Posts: 7
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Very purdy. The length you have it at is nice, if that went much further it wouldn't have been as charming. I like.
__________________
This is a useless space. Please do not read these words.
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02-17-2008, 06:16 PM
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#4
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,453
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cheers for the comments.
__________________
'Jonny's laying in his sperm coffin and the angel looks down at him and says:
"Oh, pretty boy, can't you show me nothing but surrender?' - Patti Smith
Punk is dead - get over it.
Acid culture, techno culture, underground culture, rebel culture!
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02-22-2008, 07:23 PM
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#5
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Mentor
Join Date: May 2007
Location: E. Sussex U.K.
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,673
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Can't bear the thought, bare the thought is something else, I don't think you meant it though it is quite a pretty pun. Good to see you using I instead of i, hope this means things are good for you.
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02-23-2008, 12:01 AM
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#6
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Not bad at all - though some of the line breaks were a little absurd. Still, not bad.
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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