Consumer Fungus - Writers Forum

I have it · 02-13-2008, 01:22 AM

Consumer Fungus

Do you know how it feels

To have a mushroom squashed against your jeans?

To feel;

Your skin sleep while

In the sun,

To feel;

your mind

Fall deep into your flesh and begin to dream?

Bare belly to the wet dirt,

Ants crawling in the wrinkles of your fingers;

But you don't care because it is hot, and

The sky is an unforgiving blue,

Making the air brittle as stale air

Baking and stagnating inside an oven for

Hours! That no one even opens!

Cold,

dewy ocean breeze tumbles down my neck,

a lover's caress

I think of the blue Presbyterian church,

Down the steep hill from my house and how,

How I should have prayed more. I ponder

Virginity, a value men and women have no right to weigh for

Me, my belly hollow,

With the absent dreams

Of Valentines day,

How corporate America will sell its cheap plastic junk;

With hearts stuck on them, as labels,

Symbols. Quick fix symbols.

A commodity to the masses.

Consume now!

My love, for all days;

Packed into one red, exploited evening;

Calloused and barren

as my love for the apocalypse

dannyboy · 02-13-2008, 01:30 AM

I liked the church image, I'd scrap the rest and maybe play with that. That my mind can picture, the rest just drifts away as so much smoke.

I have it · 02-13-2008, 01:35 AM

Thanks for reading danny. I always have to remember that opinions are like assholes, everyone has one! =p

dannyboy · 02-13-2008, 01:39 AM

yes and we often miss really important stuff cos our egos are way overinflated. So we'll just stay clear of your stuff from now on, obviously you've got this poetry gig nailed down.

I have it · 02-13-2008, 01:41 AM

Wow!~dude! get a sense of humor!

dannyboy · 02-13-2008, 01:41 AM

No, get a new joke, that one is so old its tiresome.

I have it · 02-13-2008, 01:45 AM

watever dude. u do not need to get ur panties in a twist bc some chick poked a lil fun at you over the internet.

dannyboy · 02-13-2008, 01:49 AM

perception has little to do with reality, duuuude

so you know, like chill babee, its cool, no twisting, least not over your way out jokes.

I have it · 02-13-2008, 01:52 AM

it seems like u r one of those ppl who always has to have the last word...

I have it · 02-13-2008, 01:53 AM

how cliche` can i get? =p

Baron · 02-13-2008, 04:50 AM

I think that there are a few sparkling images in this but it needs tightening a lot. It really is worth paying a little attention to dannyboy. You may not agree with what he says, I don't always, but he does know whereof he speaks. Before coming back on someone giving a critique, check out their work and see where they're coming from. If they're good then listen, even if you reject what they say.