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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
02-10-2008, 12:59 PM
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#1
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,349
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A Moment
deleted
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If it claims to be God, eat it.
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Last edited by MisterJack : 02-15-2008 at 05:25 PM.
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02-10-2008, 01:08 PM
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#2
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,914
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Interesting but I don't get it. I think that Ilasir's poem has taxed what few brain cells I have left.  |
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02-10-2008, 01:21 PM
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#3
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,349
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
Interesting but I don't get it. I think that Ilasir's poem has taxed what few brain cells I have left. |
That surprises me actually, I thought this was quite lucid. Do you want me to give the game away so soon?? 
__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.
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02-10-2008, 01:26 PM
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#4
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,914
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterJack
That surprises me actually, I thought this was quite lucid. Do you want me to give the game away so soon?? |
Wait to see what others say.  |
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02-10-2008, 05:34 PM
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#5
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 780
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What a lovely way to depict nature's vengeance! Great piece. More of this kind, Jack, more. =)
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02-10-2008, 05:42 PM
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#6
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,914
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Bah, Humbug. I still don't see it. Must be hitting a blind spot. |
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02-11-2008, 11:17 AM
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#7
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
Gender: Male
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Mirror's pretty close with her description. I'd say she's almost spot on actually. Perhaps you're reading too much into it Baron. Look at it with a more literal eye and think of one of my favourite pass-times 
Jack
__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.
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02-11-2008, 11:37 AM
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#8
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: USA
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Intriguing. Seems like a description of winter, old age or a mighty cold day.
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If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.  
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02-11-2008, 12:21 PM
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#9
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vangoghsear
Intriguing. Seems like a description of winter, old age or a mighty cold day.
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Old age? 
Your are right about the winter/cold.
__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.
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02-11-2008, 12:32 PM
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#10
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterJack
Old age? |
Quote:
Col's fangs bite into the overcast
as I sit inside this mouth,
waiting to be bitten
once more.
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This part gives me that. "Sit inside the mouth, waiting to be bitten" makes me think of aging, caught in the trap of advancing years, the only way out is to die.
__________________
If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.
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02-11-2008, 12:34 PM
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#11
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Addict
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: In post-Communistic territory
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I really like it, sadly I know not o your pastimes but they sound cold and what are you being bitten by? Can I have some? 
Great piece btw
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Alcohol is the best deal out there!
What other product do you get 40% back from?
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02-11-2008, 12:38 PM
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#12
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vangoghsear
This part gives me that. "Sit inside the mouth, waiting to be bitten" makes me think of aging, caught in the trap of advancing years, the only way out is to die.
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Oh, I see where you're coming from I think. There is no link to aging or death in this. The title may help 
Do you think it needs more clarity? Or should I wait to see if anyone else, other than Mirror, can hit the spot?
I really didn't think this was going to be so vague 
__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.
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02-11-2008, 03:29 PM
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#13
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2007
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I'm getting a raod through a frosty field or plain. maybe a river and grey sky, and "Col" makes me think sun... but that can't be right.
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My hopeful book:
Crap! Haven't posted it anywhere yet, darn!
"Only tyranny cloaks itself in shadows. The light of justice can not be hidden."
www.theoddvillepress.com
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02-11-2008, 03:34 PM
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#14
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilasir Maroa
I'm getting a raod through a frosty field or plain. maybe a river and grey sky, and "Col" makes me think sun... but that can't be right.
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With the 'Col', think the south of France 
__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.
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02-11-2008, 03:36 PM
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#15
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: AmbientArtists
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Lol, duh... but I'm close on the rest, perhaps?
__________________
My hopeful book:
Crap! Haven't posted it anywhere yet, darn!
"Only tyranny cloaks itself in shadows. The light of justice can not be hidden."
www.theoddvillepress.com
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