Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will
be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!
Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
02-03-2008, 07:37 PM
|
#16
|
|
Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterJack
Yes, more superior than it was with the structure before. The reader is being guided towards emphasis a little more this way  |
I was questioning your syntax, Jack, not your comment.  |
|
|
|
02-03-2008, 09:28 PM
|
#17
|
|
Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mermaid on the breakwater
security found in an embrace -
or a game that mother plays -
that whiles away the morning.
I love the play on morning/mourning, here. That kind of play on imagery is evident throughout, so that what you're feeling on a first reading is almost intangible, but born out by the transitions between memories which feel like they're both past and present. There's a lot going on in something which is so simply expressed. Good read, Baron.
|
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, MotB. Your opinion is always valued. |
|
|
|
|
02-04-2008, 09:38 AM
|
#18
|
|
Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,349
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
I was questioning your syntax, Jack, not your comment. |
That's what happens when you throw paper aeroplanes in Eng Lan I guess
__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.
--------------
Last edited by MisterJack : 02-04-2008 at 09:41 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
02-04-2008, 01:39 PM
|
#19
|
|
Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterJack
That's what happens when you throw paper aeroplanes in Eng Lan I guess
|
Jaguar or harrier? I've made a few changes to the punctuation, in particular losing a few of those dashes. |
|
|
|
|
02-05-2008, 12:59 PM
|
#20
|
|
Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: England, the beautiful southwest.
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,293
|
This is really going to piss Pete off, isn't it?
The consortium of poem bumpers. But I do have a legitimate comment to make: each time I read it, the more I like it.
|
|
|
|
|
02-05-2008, 01:10 PM
|
#21
|
|
Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,349
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
Jaguar or harrier?
|
Phantoms, primarily 
another legitimate bump as now you've trimmed some of the dashes, it does read better 
Mermaid, you are 
__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.
--------------
|
|
|
|
|
02-05-2008, 04:55 PM
|
#22
|
|
Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by MisterJack
Phantoms, primarily
another legitimate bump as now you've trimmed some of the dashes, it does read better
Mermaid, you are |
thanks for the comments, Jack and MotB.  |
|
|
|
|
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:48 AM. Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0
|
|
Newsletter |
 |
|
Subscribe to Majestic
the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
|
|
Link to Us: 
|
|
