Red - Writers Forum

apple · 01-31-2008, 07:23 PM

Oh, Kenny, what a dangerous boy you were.
Pall Malls rolled up in your T-shirt sleeve.
Jeans slung low.

“He’s a hood!” Daddy ranted. “Damned leather jacket!”

Remember the prom? My bright yellow prom gown?
You pinned the largest red carnation
corsage to that yellow dress.

“I told you yellow.” I pouted. “It doesn’t match.”

You looked straight into my eyes with
your much too blue ones and breathed,

“I didn’t get it to match the dress…I got it to match your lips.”

Then we danced
to Earth Angel by the Penguins,
and you breathed into my ear
to excite me.
Girls were supposed to pull away
in those days,
but I didn’t pull away.

You dipped me so low that my long brown hair
dragged across the floor
and you spent the rest of the night
picking out little sparkles of blue and silver confetti.

When we parked
in the driveway of my house,
your nineteen-fifty Ford convertible
felt too hot and red inside
as our lips slid and my dress could not be managed.

"Oh, baby Do you love me?' you raged, kissing down my neck.

Yes, yesses steamed inside my throat
as our breath flamed the foggy windows.

“Get inside!” Daddy yelled, the porch light flashing. “Now!”

Oh, Kenny, I like dangerous boys.
My favorite color is red and I still get chills
when I hear Earth Angel by the Penguins
and remember how you felt through my yellow prom dress
when we danced too close.

I posted this about a year ago, Hope a re-post is okay

Industrial · 01-31-2008, 07:41 PM

Actually, at first glance I thought I hated this. I thought about it for a little bit and came back and reread it.

I actually really like this, I have been meaning to get around to some more poetry and when I do this is going to be along the type of style I want to write like.

Its not the best thing I have ever read, but its definitely not the worst.

apple · 01-31-2008, 07:54 PM

Thank you Industrial. I'm glad you ended up kinda liking it. I appreciate the read and most definately the re-read.

Baron · 01-31-2008, 07:56 PM

A nice retro image. I don't really believe that you were dancing at your prom the year that Earth Angel was released. It would be ungentlemanly to take that line any further...
Thanks for the read.

Foxee · 01-31-2008, 08:08 PM

I think I remember this from the last time you posted it...I enjoyed the poem very much both times. What a powerful, alluring retro image. Great job, Apple, thanks for sharing it.

SadLuckDame · 01-31-2008, 09:00 PM

This was super! You popped my mind right there into that convertible, and had me wearing a yellow prom dress. Good stuff.

FollowingShadow · 01-31-2008, 09:54 PM

My attitude towards my own writing is to write what is real, to present my feelings and thoughts in their truest form. Write what is, I tell myself. If it's not real to me, it won't be real to the reader.

The reality in this poem is palpable, bringing each image to bear. The language is simple, almost colloquial, but it's so appropriate. What's more, the narrative curve is completely intact; preserving narration is one of the hardest things for a poem to do, I feel.

I'd like to remove the underlines from 'Earth Angel', but that's just a personal preference.

This poem is great. Well worth a repost. Thank you. =)

Mirror · 02-01-2008, 06:31 AM

Enjoyed this, Apple - not because it conjured memories (I hardly remember being that young, but I'm sure I was the self-righteous witch who ripped prom announcements.) but due to its voice - soulful, languid at times, brimming with nostalgia. Your language certainly verges on colloquial as Following Shadow notes, which lends this piece authenticity. Well done.

MisterJack · 02-01-2008, 09:17 AM

Having missed this the first time around, i'm glad you re-posted it. It's a nice piece of writing Apple and i thoroughly enjoyed it. Can't think of anything worth critique for now but I will come back to read this and if anything comes up, I'll let you know.

Jack

apple · 02-01-2008, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baron

A nice retro image. I don't really believe that you were dancing at your prom the year that Earth Angel was released. It would be ungentlemanly to take that line any further...
Thanks for the read.

You are welcome Baron. My prom was more like Yummy, Yummy, Yummy.
And thank you for being so gentlemanly.

Baron · 02-01-2008, 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apple

You are welcome Baron. My prom was more like Yummy, Yummy, Yummy.
And thank you for being so gentlemanly.

I was listening to John Mayall's Bluesbreakers and the Jeff Beck Group around that time. Not the stuff that would ever have got played at a prom.

apple · 02-01-2008, 01:55 PM

Thank you,

Foxee, Mirror, SadLameDuck, MisterJack and FollowingShadows,

I appreciate all your thoughts and kind words for my poem. It is actually one of my favorites (probably why I posted it again) I am so happy you enjoyed it.
Thanks for taking the time to read it and comment.

Lorlie · 02-01-2008, 05:15 PM

Hey there Apple.

Here in Ireland we call it the Debs, this is a take on the British debutante ball where young ladies came out so that lecherous old men could see if the ladies in question were good enough for their sons.

This changed rather dramatically when women learned to have a voice and certainly by the time of my teenage years it was a only a heady image of puffball dresses and girly giggles.

I loved the images your poem brought me, it put me right back in a cinema watching grease, chewing bubalicious chewing gum for the first ever time in my life and being terrified of missing any of the movie or of losing the gum from my gob.

Loved this piece, really glad you posted it again.

It reminded me that Daddie's are supposed to call us from cars.

Lorlie

Baron · 02-01-2008, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lorlie

Hey there Apple.

Here in Ireland we call it the Debs, this is a take on the British debutante ball where young ladies came out so that lecherous old men could see if the ladies in question were good enough for their sons.

This changed rather dramatically when women learned to have a voice and certainly by the time of my teenage years it was a only a heady image of puffball dresses and girly giggles.

I loved the images your poem brought me, it put me right back in a cinema watching grease, chewing bubalicious chewing gum for the first ever time in my life and being terrified of missing any of the movie or of losing the gum from my gob.

Loved this piece, really glad you posted it again.

It reminded me that Daddie's are supposed to call us from cars.

Lorlie

Quenn Charlotte's Ball still happens at the start of the "season". The only thing that's changed is that the debutantes are no longer presented to the Queen. It's still the start of the process of seeking "well bred" husbands for young ladies of the same ilk. The young ladies, on the other hand, despite daddies' good intentions, prefer rock stars these days.

Lorlie · 02-01-2008, 06:16 PM

Baron,

Like Nickleback, they all wanna be:

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
Livin in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And I'll hang out in the coolest bars
With the VIP's with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free

I'm gonna dress my ass
With the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
Blow my money for me

Sorry, I just love that song. LOL

Lorlie