Writers Forum - WritingForums.com Home Rules FAQ Members Groups Calendar Gallery Search
» Sign Up «

Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!

Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
  Search Forums
Lit.Org - Bootcamp for writers. Post your work and other writers review it, it's that easy.

Advanced Search



Go Back   Writers Forum - WritingForums.com > Creativity > Poetry
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 01-31-2008, 11:29 AM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Les Isles de Manche (Channel Islands)
Gender: Female
Posts: 1
Greggo is on a distinguished road
The Gull

This is a poem I wrote for school based on a seagull.

Squawking as the sky grows dark,
Making noise and waking me up.
Swooping down over my friends,
Leaving white drops on people’s clothes.

Gliding gently through the sky,
Graceful despite ungainly wings.
Diving speedily to ground,
To grab some food from human hands.

You’re a pest; you can’t stay here,
You steal our food, it’s just not nice.
Seagull, Seagull, Go away!
We’d hate to have you here today.

Making use of what you have,
Using new tools to help you out.
Seagull, Seagull, please don’t go,
There’s much from you we need to know.
Greggo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-31-2008, 11:40 AM   #2
Wordsmith
 
Baron's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
Baron is on a distinguished road
Send a message via MSN to Baron Send a message via Skype™ to Baron
You could help this a lot by getting rid of the "ing" endings. The passive voice seldom helps a poem.
Baron is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:05 AM.
Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0


 
You are NOT Logged In.
User Name:

Password



Newsletter

Subscribe to Majestic
the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
Email:


Related Links

Link to Us:
Writing Forums - Discussions for Writers