dannyboy

Tributaries

A bay stirred by the soft clink of teaspoon
boats that bob upon ripples from the past -

Father stands in shadow, his eyes peer out
of the gloom, sear the soft centre of mind.

He hated water. I find its supple desire
a call to enter and forget failure.

At the charcoal edge between grey sky
and grey China Sea conch-shell sails catch the eye.

Hammers bang in a new century;
words peel flesh into layers of children

aping mistakes that speak in tongues
from generation to generation;

reshape the scattered blackened dust
of past centuries. Dirty linen screams

hang in the oily mist upon the mountains,
waterfalls of bloody glories cascade

into new roads, new buildings, new dollars;
congeal in gullies, fall into the bent barriers

of newly laid roads. Rusted pillboxes
and forgotten fortifications slip,

sharp as a bayonet, into my heart.
Father died too swift and some things

linger that are best left for dead, yet
between the two we construct ourselves,

dream perfect lies we turn into bright cities
to gather in, sing national anthems.

MisterJack

Again this is very good. The opening lines were wonderful, especially the teaspoon boats.

S3, should that read He Hates water? It tense shifts from present to past, is that intentional?

__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.

--------------

vangoghsear

This one has some amazing images. Good economy, good flow. I really like this one, dannyboy.

__________________
If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.

dannyboy

thank you both and Jack the shift is intentional, its a present memory of the father who is dead.

dannyboy

thank you both and Jack the shift is intentional, its a present memory of the father who is dead.

Wishing4Rain

Very nice Dannyboy, I have no crit's at all. One question though.

"aping mistakes that speak in tongues
from generation to generation;"

Should that first word in the first line read 'Gaping'?

I liked this alot, nice work.

__________________
"A writer without crticque, is nothing"

"The reason I love the rain, is so other's won't see the tears falling from my eyes."

dannyboy

aping as in imitating

and thank you W4R