DeeKing

Budget Flight

The plane looked old and fairly worn,
the sky was grey, about to storm.
They hurried us along the aisles,
in tiny seats we’d sit for miles.

With creak and groan we taxied out,
at runway’s end we turned about.
With roar of jet and screech of wheels
we found out how a take-off feels.

Climbing high into the air,
forced back by pressure, hard to bear.
Our eardrums trying to explode,
the plane a-shudder with the load.

But alas the plane was old,
a ‘Budget Flight’ we’d all been told.
But nothing said about the thrill
that turned us green and made us ill.

With sudden surge we lurched back down,
the plane now aiming at the ground.
Not the way t’was meant to be,
diving sharply for the sea.

But Captain Bob was on the ball
and wasn’t going to let us fall.
He pulled back sharply on his stick
as we swooped up I felt quite sick.

Just then I spied the strangest thing,
a massive piece dropped off the wing
and at that point we turned about,
….about this airline, I had doubt.

A ‘Budget Flight’ it might have been,
but had I known what this would mean
I may have paid a little more
to keep from falling to the floor.

But Captain Bob was on the mark,
‘he’ treated problems as a lark,
for up and down, and turning round,
at least we hadn’t hit the ground.

He straightened up and things went calm,
announced, “There’s no need for alarm”
”Although a bit’s broke off the wing,
I’m sure that I can fly this thing.”

“I’ve flown for years… err, make that weeks,
ignore the grinding and the creaks,
this plane is safe and sound, I know,
the auctioneer assured me so!”

With that we heard the engines stall,
in swift decline our plane did fall.
We prayed while diving in free flight
that Captain Bob could put this right.

“Your life-vest’s underneath your seat,
please put it on to save wet feet.”
Our captain was a caring man
like all good ‘Budget Captains’ am

But shudder, shake and roar of jet,
maybe our feet would not get wet.
Again we rose up in the sky,
above the clouds and really high.

For near a minute we were free
of bumps, and noise, and malady.
We hoped our problems were all done,
but ‘Sods Law’ said ‘there’s worse to come’.

I really don’t remember how
all in the sea, alive somehow,
I’m glad I put that life-vest on
before both wings had finally gone!

Now froze and tossed by stormy sea,
an orange lifeboat rescued me.
I must admit, t’was quite a ride,
and I was glad to be alive

But Captain Bob I’m sad to say
did not survive that woe filled day.
They tore his license up in shame
and never more would speak his name.

The plane he bought was meant for scrap,
he said they never told him that.
He claimed, although it looked quite old,
there was no way that he’d been told!

The passengers, to save a fuss
were taken from the boat by bus
and just in case they might complain
were told they’d fetch another plane.

But most of them decided, no,
by land, and sea, not air they’d go,
and keep their feet upon the ground,
not up, and down, and round, and round.

Budget-Flights, so I’ve been told
are the cheapest that are sold.
They carry millions on their way
departing daily every day

But please be careful when you book,
and chance a crafty little look,
to see the plane don’t look too old
unless a ‘lifetime’ flight was sold!

Ivor G Davies

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The most useful thing I've learned is that I still have a lot to learn!

vangoghsear

That was quite a ride. Most of the rhymes seem natural, it tells an amusing story, flow works pretty well.

I like it as is, but since this is a workshopping forum, my only suggestion might be to try changing up some of the verses to enhance the flight experience. Possibly get the reader to feel the ups, downs changes in speed, and crazy movements by toying with flow and assonance and alliteration.

Again, that is just a suggestion of something to try (not necessarily even in this poem). I'm not even going to say it would make it better. This was quite amusing.

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If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.

DeeKing

Vangoghsear,

Thanks for looking in and the suggestions,

Ivor

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The most useful thing I've learned is that I still have a lot to learn!

Fairplay

Which airline was this ? Least you could do is name names, keep us all safe....

Did British Airways realy run out of fuel or are they going green ie landing on grass?

SadLuckDame

What a fantastic ride DeeKing!
Only critique I have is the two abouts so close together. This was a goodie!

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Well, it was a nice check, Kitty, and really I might have won, if it hadn't been for that nasty Knight, that came wriggling down among my pieces. Kitty, dear, let's pretend -- -" And here I wish I could tell you half the things Alice used to say, beginning with her favorite phrase "Let's pretend."
written by Lewis Carroll

DeeKing

Fairplay,

Goes to show scheduled airways have their problems too!

SadLuckDame

Glad you enjoyed the ride!

Thge two 'abouts' were suposed to be a play on words with both of them being emphasied if read aloud, that is why I led into the second one with a pause (...). I do appreciate you letting me know it did not work for you though. Feedback is everything to let me improve my poetry. Any chance of telling me where you are from as I find a lot of variations in interpretation depending on accent etc. This is particularily important with sylable counts in individual words and sometimes can completely ruin rhythm in differing accent groups.

Thanks again for the feedback,

Ivor

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The most useful thing I've learned is that I still have a lot to learn!

Baron

These naratives seem to be your strong point. I have nothing to add to what Van has said. Thanks for posting this.

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SadLuckDame

My apologies then DeeKing. My accent is a tad confusing, as it has no specific state anymore, sort of a jumbo from 3 states I've lived in. But I guess it leans mostly towards a MD accent, East Coast . (close to WV so it could have a touch of twang in it, or Southern)

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Well, it was a nice check, Kitty, and really I might have won, if it hadn't been for that nasty Knight, that came wriggling down among my pieces. Kitty, dear, let's pretend -- -" And here I wish I could tell you half the things Alice used to say, beginning with her favorite phrase "Let's pretend."
written by Lewis Carroll