I have it

I Walk on,
win by trying, and
honor myself by not
suffering,
I belong to me, as
a mermaid does to her
sea, can you still
love me?

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citygirl

I sense a feeling of loneliness, a longing, and reaching out for someone to care, in this poem. Good work.

cg

bittersweet illusion

In general, it's good, but some of the spacing didn't read write for me... I made a few suggestions for spacing, but it's just suggestions...

I Walk on, typo?
Win by trying,
And honor myself
by not suffering,
I belong to me
As a mermaid does
to her sea,
Can you still love me? This seemed very out of place... I kind of felt jolted in the switch to this line, and kind of like its only purpose was to rhyme with 'sea'

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Iseult

Hey I like this. It does have that sort of undertone of loneliness, and aloofness (love the word aloof, but I'm not so hot on aloofness - but there you are) Where it sort of started fraying at the seams for me is when you went to sea. First of all, mermaids don't really have the opportunity to walk to my knowledge, except those that are cartooned by Disney, so it kind of seems out of place for me. 'Course you might have been trying for a strain, but if that's the case, I'd use it somehow in the poem, you built it up and don't use it. To me the second half of the poem is you just trying to work in a rhyme.

Another thing is the last line, "Can you still love me?" And bittersweet has a point. The only reason I can think to explain the disconnect is that the first half has a voice that is very aloof (love that word) and self-sufficient, then the sea analogy, and then all of a sudden a voice that is asking for confirmation, gone is all the reliance from the first half (which in my opinion is the strongest). Perhaps it'll be better if you change "Can you love me?" to "Will you love me?" But I'd have to see it.
Hope this helps