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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
01-23-2008, 09:16 AM
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#1
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 780
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To my redeeming writer
DELETED
Last edited by Mirror : 02-07-2008 at 05:27 AM.
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01-23-2008, 09:56 AM
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#2
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,917
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Some nice word play, as always.
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01-23-2008, 04:20 PM
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#3
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 780
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Thanks, Baron.
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01-23-2008, 04:37 PM
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#4
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Addict
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Overland Park, KS
Gender: Male
Posts: 139
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Mirror, its about time for you to post something bad, don't you think. I mean you aren't being fair to those iof us in here who are a little more hit and miss.
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01-23-2008, 04:52 PM
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#5
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Dec 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 243
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Wow Mirror, once again very good. I personally have no crit's but one question.
In this stanza,
"Woman,
you have half an hour
to reach manhood."
Should manhood read as womanhood, or did you intentionally write it that why?
Great read, as always from you.
I agree with David lol, it seems you always hit and never miss, where-as some of us here are hit and miss. I don't think I've ever read a bad piece from you.
__________________
"A writer without crticque, is nothing"
"The reason I love the rain, is so other's won't see the tears falling from my eyes."
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01-23-2008, 04:59 PM
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#6
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 780
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Nah, how can I do worse than this?
I appreciate the comments, though.
Wishing, yes, woman reaching manhood is completely deliberate. Just a nuance of manhood.
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01-23-2008, 05:32 PM
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#7
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Dec 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 243
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Very many ways Mirror, this a good piece. Not my personal favorite by you, but good nonetheless. Thanks for clearing that up by the way.
__________________
"A writer without crticque, is nothing"
"The reason I love the rain, is so other's won't see the tears falling from my eyes."
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01-23-2008, 11:35 PM
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#8
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Aug 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 407
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Solid. Very much enjoyable. Unified set of images creates a delightlfully sensual dominant impression.
Quibble:
I feel like your last stanza could be broken up and your white space used to greater effect. Certainly the reader needs a breath between 'as we read' and 'unfinished articles'. Just a thought.
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01-24-2008, 04:09 AM
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#9
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Best Seller
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Birmingham, England
Gender: Male
Posts: 502
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Great imagery Mirror. A strong piece, just not too keen on the opening line. It makes it feel a little clumsy to me.
Good work though
__________________
"He was over at our house struggling with a poem he could not finish, so I took him upstairs and gave him sex. He came down and finished that verse in twenty-five minutes."
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