kingajcice

I remember that summer night,
and I remember the look in your eyes,

As you told me you loved me,
and stole over my soul,
How I felt that night,
no one could ever know,

I remember that summer night,
and I remember the moonlight,

It shone down on your face,
And it shone beautifully,
and I wondered how someone like you,
could ever love someone like me,

I still remember that summer night,
our first kiss came to life,

and from that day,
and from every single day forth,
You were all mine,
and I was all yours,

I remember that summer night

__________________
"Life's a box of crackers,"
"How?"
"I don't know,"

DavidBetzer

could definitely be injected with more potent language. An edit or two, with some far reaching thoughts on how to convey the uniqueness of your remembrance will help. Stretch this out, it is after all a piece of taffy as it stands, sugar coated with no nutritional value. I question your repetitions, they do not stand strong enough on their own, let alone as three legged Siamese twins. Its a good topic, well developed by other poets, search the databases and make sure you've broken some ground. Keep it up and listen to the other people in here more than anything I say, I'm really not that educated as far as poetry goes.

kingajcice

I have no expertise on poetry at all, I don't even like it, I just thought I'd throw one out there.

__________________
"Life's a box of crackers,"
"How?"
"I don't know,"

Ilasir Maroa

Well, then you should expect few responses if they matter not to your un-poetic soul... lol. "Why post one if you aren't interested in the feedback?" is what I mean to say.

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JHB

Looks like a song.

surfacetoday

kind've ackk, a wee-bit sentimentilast...
but I like the plain language, it keeps with the simplicity of the statement "I love you"
so maybe expand on details other than "that summer night"? Give us some depth, like how the shirt clung to your skin, and her eyes flashing or something like that. I dunno.
but it's definitely not a bad poem, just not showy.

- jake

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kingajcice

I don't mind getting feedback, I take all criticism thanks.

I'm just noting that I don't usually do poetry.

__________________
"Life's a box of crackers,"
"How?"
"I don't know,"

kingajcice

you got me, it was sort of a song transfered into a poem, nicely done

__________________
"Life's a box of crackers,"
"How?"
"I don't know,"