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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
01-21-2008, 11:52 AM
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#1
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299
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The Butcher's Wife
- The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 1 characters.
Last edited by Pete_C : 01-26-2008 at 06:53 AM.
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01-21-2008, 12:00 PM
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#2
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Addict
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Overland Park, KS
Gender: Male
Posts: 139
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Oy, its a damn good write. I wish I liked the message lol, and you almost make me want to  . You should throw this up on about.com:poetry and grab that damn IBPC competition they are always bragging about. |
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01-21-2008, 12:23 PM
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#3
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Jan 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 225
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Pete I have read a few pieces from you, honestly it is so raw and maybe I even attempt to forget the lingering lines, however truly I can't. Leaves a deep impression every time, and I try to push it down, it sticks there.
Quote:
and me, I had it all, a warm spot
between her ample thighs
and every day
fresh liver for breakfast
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Very powerful, reminds me of the feeling I get from listening to Tom Waits.
P.S. I always go back for more
__________________
Well, it was a nice check, Kitty, and really I might have won, if it hadn't been for that nasty Knight, that came wriggling down among my pieces. Kitty, dear, let's pretend -- -" And here I wish I could tell you half the things Alice used to say, beginning with her favorite phrase "Let's pretend."
written by Lewis Carroll
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01-21-2008, 01:16 PM
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#4
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Dec 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 248
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Wow Pete, you always seem to make me hold my breath as I read. Excellent one here, seems to me you get better with each piece. I have no crit's for improvement.
"until her body sucked me dry
and spat me like a husk
into the morning air"
Just brilliant, my favorite lines of this one. Not quite sure why, it just struck me and is brilliantly written.
I enjoyed reading this alot, great work.
__________________
"A writer without crticque, is nothing"
"The reason I love the rain, is so other's won't see the tears falling from my eyes."
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01-22-2008, 10:47 AM
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#5
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DavidBetzer
Oy, its a damn good write. I wish I liked the message lol, and you almost make me want to . You should throw this up on about.com:poetry and grab that damn IBPC competition they are always bragging about. |
I haven't seen about.com:poetry before; it looks like a slightly jolly place to me, all happiness and flowers. |
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01-22-2008, 10:51 AM
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#6
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Addict
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Overland Park, KS
Gender: Male
Posts: 139
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It isn't as open a discussion as here, but apparently the Inter Board Poetry Contest is a big thing nowadays, and they nom'd something crappy I wrote, so you should have no trouble shaking them up a bit.
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01-22-2008, 01:56 PM
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#7
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,349
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pete_C
I haven't seen about.com:poetry before; it looks like a slightly jolly place to me, all happiness and flowers.
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Go for it Pete, what fun that may be 
The poem? Your usual aggression and jovial spite comes through nicely. No structural suggestions, orin fact, any other suggestions.
Always a hoot reading your stuff mate.
Cheers
Jack
__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.
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01-23-2008, 05:07 AM
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#8
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299
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Jovial spite? I like that.
I was suprised this is still here given the clamp down on erotic poems. Okay, it's not erotic, but neither were the ones that got removed!
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