The Prison Of Glass - Writers Forum

Leopold · 01-10-2008, 02:03 PM

My first go at poetry in quite a long time. Critique welcome.

The Prison of Glass

I exist in the shadow
my ally, my friend
Concealing me, helping me
Never betraying me

I can feel you, my prey
hear you scream out in pain
see you tremble with fear
You are mine!

No regrets fill my mind
No mercy
You are meant to die
It is your destiny

But the darkness flees
away from it's nemisis
abandoning me
to my inevitable fate

The monster descends
it's speed undeniable
The prison of glass
to end all my dreams

A blinding light
tears at my skin
Trapped by this thing
punished for my sins

It stares with two eyes
The monster that fears me
I laugh at the irony
Do you not pity me?

You are no predator!
No intent to devour me
Your will is to study me
Oh heartless beast, release me!

But the light leaves
and darkness lies
For this is the unknown
where everything dies

Eternal halls
Transparant walls
My mind shuts down
I slip, I fall...

Your monstrous face
appears at my cell
I am crippled, I am finished
In my own personal hell

RedStone · 01-10-2008, 02:07 PM

I don't think ever forget how to write poetry whatever level we reach we keep at and grow strong in, and this lonely feeling an darkness, all to be washed away by cause of fears and facings of such things is difficult to write but to the reader its easy to read and embrace in a understanding manner.

Keep writing

Sir RedStone

Pete_C · 01-12-2008, 05:16 AM

It's a bit hit and miss, with the emphasis on miss. If you are going to write to a form, pick one and stick with it. This was a bit all over the place, but with a bloody good edit it could be much tighter.