For me with Squalor

The Opening

He was trembling with intent
faltering with every step
but agonizingly he went
to where his future slept

Fearing and reluctantly knowing
that his true color’s he is showing
anything less, is a far greater unsuccess!
But under duress, he gave it his best

Just as he was putting off feelings
of looming greatness and hope.
Someone meddled in his dealings
and forced him up that ominous slope

Saying:

Fear not the jealous useless crowd
for you are fake they will shout!
Foul words inspire creeping doubt
release the floodgates, let all Hell out!

push open the door,
let fate take you out
of the, treadmill of your
emotionless drought!

citygirl

Excellent! The words are crisp and clear, and the poem flows along smoothly.....

It is thought provoking and interesting to read. I enjoyed reading your poem. Keep writing.....CG

Wishing4Rain

It seems Citygirl beats me to every criticque and says what I have to say lol.

Very thought provoking, well written, it flows very nicely, the rhyme scheme is great. All in all, a great piece. I didnt find any typo's or ays to improve this one, great job. Also, the use of grammar added alot to this in my opinion.

In the words of Citygirl "Keep writing."

__________________
"A writer without crticque, is nothing"

"The reason I love the rain, is so other's won't see the tears falling from my eyes."

For me with Squalor

Thanks guys I appreciate it a lot. Didn't know if I should continue or not, thats why I joined to get some real feedback. Thx

Pete_C

I read this three times, and each time the calamitious rhyme scheme meant I didn't get to the end. The second stanza was always the one that set me off. Too much rhyme, too little reason.