Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will
be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!
Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
01-08-2008, 12:54 PM
|
#1
|
|
Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,350
|
Curb-Crawlers Warned!!
deleted
__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.
--------------
Last edited by MisterJack : 01-18-2008 at 02:31 PM.
|
|
|
|
01-08-2008, 01:03 PM
|
#2
|
|
Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,850
|
Looks like you're tryint to take Pete on with this one, Jack.
|
|
|
|
|
01-08-2008, 01:24 PM
|
#3
|
|
Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,350
|
I don't think i could take on Pete in a subject such as this 
__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.
--------------
|
|
|
|
|
01-10-2008, 08:32 AM
|
#4
|
|
Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,350
|
Anyone else have anything to say on this? It is only a bit of fun but I'd be interested in any comment or criticisms.
Thanks
Jack
__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.
--------------
|
|
|
|
|
01-10-2008, 08:52 AM
|
#5
|
|
Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: England, the beautiful southwest.
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,141
|
lol, the chick with a dick. Enjoyed the poem.
|
|
|
|
|
01-10-2008, 09:02 AM
|
#6
|
|
Profound Writer
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,243
|
Not for prudish reasons, but the last stanza, while funny, breaks the mood of a seamy story. The last stanza needs to keep the ambiguity. I like the poem just up to the coupdegrace (sp?), then I thought, you had me at baby's arm.
__________________
If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.  
|
|
|
|
|
01-10-2008, 09:08 AM
|
#7
|
|
Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: England, the beautiful southwest.
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,141
|
It would be funnier if he was a midget as well.
|
|
|
|
|
01-10-2008, 09:19 AM
|
#8
|
|
Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,850
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mermaid on the breakwater
It would be funnier if he was a midget as well.
|
Pete had the dwarf copyright.  |
|
|
|
|
01-10-2008, 09:26 AM
|
#9
|
|
Profound Writer
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,243
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mermaid on the breakwater
It would be funnier if he was a midget as well.
|
Then he could just be a three legged midget. 
__________________
If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.
|
|
|
|
|
01-10-2008, 09:47 AM
|
#10
|
|
Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: England, the beautiful southwest.
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,141
|
lol to van and baron. Pete's like Batman; he's got all the best toys.
|
|
|
|
|
01-10-2008, 10:33 AM
|
#11
|
|
Addict
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: In post-Communistic territory
Gender: Male
Posts: 160
|
Is this a personal experience? Its convincing enough, and nice and poetically graphic.
I enjoyed it!
|
|
|
|
|
01-10-2008, 02:07 PM
|
#12
|
|
Ink Slinger
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,563
|
Yeah, this was good...and it's cool to see you branch out and try something a little different. Your talent still comes through. Great read, had me enjoying the rythmic flow througout. Kind of like a Penthouse Shel Silverstein.
|
|
|
|
01-10-2008, 04:42 PM
|
#13
|
|
Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,350
|
What the hell's happened here??  It's gone from a straight forward piece about an unlucky 'red light' punter to midgets with three legs 
LMAO at some the the ideas though, my have inspired something to post soon.
For me with Squalor; thanks for reading, glad it came over convincing.
Malone; haven't seen you around these parts for a while. Good to see you again and thanks for the props. Glad you enjoyed the ride.
Van; was it the 'baby's arm' itself that threw you or was it just that point of the piece that you felt it shift?
Thankyou all for your comments
Jack
__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.
--------------
|
|
|
|
|
01-12-2008, 08:01 AM
|
#14
|
|
Profound Writer
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,278
|
I thought it would have been better with the ambiguity in place; it gave it another layer of thought before the ending popped up!
|
|
|
|
|
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:19 AM. Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0
|
|
Newsletter |
 |
|
Subscribe to Majestic
the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
|
|
Link to Us: 
|
|
