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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
01-08-2008, 03:24 PM
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#16
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,350
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Quote:
Originally Posted by apple
Sounds like fun. Looks like fun. I think I'm a little woozy and legless. Good poem. I enjoyed it.
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Thankyou apple. Glad you enjoyed it. I guess reading this is cheaper than buying booze and there's no hangover to recover from 
Also, Mirror; Thankyou for reading. Your comments are always appreciated.
Cheers
Jack
__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.
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01-08-2008, 03:34 PM
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#17
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: England, the beautiful southwest.
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,119
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Quote:
Originally Posted by For me with Squalor
I feel like its not finished? Am I out of whack or............nevermore?
Like it though!
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I think you're getting the same impression as I was the first time I read it, but the poem definitely works as it is. I don't know how you'd modify it and I think that alone speaks well of the piece. |
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01-08-2008, 03:39 PM
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#18
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,350
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Quote:
Originally Posted by For me with Squalor
I feel like its not finished? Am I out of whack or............nevermore?
Like it though!
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Sorry, 'For me with Squalor', I missed your comment. Thanks to Mermaid I caught it 
I kind of understand where your both coming from but I wanted just a little snippet, a 'teaser' if you will. Just wanted to give the reader a little bit of something great rather than bore them with the ins and outs of an evening.
I have done something similar and may post that soon. Depends on how many crit on my latest piece 'Curb-Crawlers Warning', as to how soon I post that. 
Thanks again guys
Jack
__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.
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01-09-2008, 07:59 PM
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#19
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,848
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You planning on doing any re-working of this one, Jack?
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01-09-2008, 10:31 PM
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#20
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Mentor
Join Date: May 2007
Location: E. Sussex U.K.
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,407
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Vangoghsear:- ever catch a movie called "Amazon women on Mars" I think it is, full of spoof TV adverts and in the one for the Metropolitan museum of Art they are having a sale with the strap line "Every Vangogh (Pronounced the American way) has gotta go". One of the all time funniest movies.
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01-10-2008, 04:04 AM
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#21
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Nth Co Dublin, Ireland
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,280
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Hey Mr Jack
I want to go to this weird damn party, drink formaldehyde style whiskey, chew a piece of straw, get legless, and yeeehaw along with ya.
Fun stuff, I enjoyed it.
Lorlie
__________________
I will protect you from the hooded claw, keep the Vampire from your door, when the chips are down, I will be around, with my undying, death-defying love for you. . . FGTH.
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01-10-2008, 11:01 AM
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#22
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Oxford
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,350
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
You planning on doing any re-working of this one, Jack?
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Not sure, think I'm happy with it as is, and that seems to be the general concensus, unless anyone else has anything to add.
Lorlie; you are welcome to the next party  , glad you enjoyed it and thanks for reading
Jack
__________________
If it claims to be God, eat it.
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01-12-2008, 05:05 AM
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#23
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,278
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Nearly forgot to comment on this. I liked the start; it was gritty and reminded me of a clawhammer jam I once stumbled upon. However, as the poem develops it cleans up, becomes tighter and less earthy.
For me, that wasn't a good thing.
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