forresta

Our Non-Traditional Dance

We danced a non-traditional dance/ Our dancing

was cerebral in nature/ His gaze penetrated

the depths of my soul/ Too incredible then

for my fragile mind to grasp or respond.

Although strangers, I felt an uncanny

kinship to him/ When our flesh collided,

Unashamedly, I yielded to him--back and

forth--one, two, back and forth--three,

four./ Yearning to know

him, or glimpse a sign of approval from

his quiet and distant eyes.

But he nor his eyes uttered a single word/

Neither did his solitary gestures reveal

anything--except that he was there.

Some twenty years later, I still remember him

and our non-traditional dance--/ Still

yearning to know him--or, sense from his

unassuming eyes that he cared.

citygirl

wow awesome poem. I can hear a longing, a passion of desire of the young to find acceptance and love.... moving poem, well wriiten, thought provoking on many levels....

Good job, keep writing... cg

Pete_C

This contains too many vaiants on puctuation. The whole / thing is a bit tired; it was one poet's device and now it is over-used by everyone who wants a "beat" angle to their work. It also struggles alongside the enjambment, the standard punctuation and the dashes, and the resulting car crash makes it difficult to read.

Take away the devices, and the actual content is pretty bland. It's almost as if it plays second fiddle to the form.