Lady of the Bay - Page 2 - Writers Forum

Baron · 12-08-2007, 10:15 AM

Any comments on the changes made to this would be appreciated.

Ilasir Maroa · 12-08-2007, 03:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baron

Any comments on the changes made to this would be appreciated.

It's better, Baron. A nicer flow in places, and a smoother sound. The images are a little sharper as well.

Baron · 12-08-2007, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ilasir Maroa

It's better, Baron. A nicer flow in places, and a smoother sound. The images are a little sharper as well.

Thanks you, Ilasir. Your help and suggestions are always welcome.

MisterJack · 12-08-2007, 06:04 PM

It is a much smoother read now. My only one little niggle would be

sapphire soul of a sunset sky,

replacing that 'the' with an 'a', just for more fluidity off the tongue on that line.

Very nice Baron

Jack

Baron · 12-08-2007, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MisterJack

It is a much smoother read now. My only one little niggle would be

sapphire soul of a sunset sky,

replacing that 'the' with an 'a', just for more fluidity off the tongue on that line.

Very nice Baron

Jack

You're right, it's done! Thanks again.