Achilles

A moment when lungs lock, empty—
the mind’s uncontrollable failure
to remember oxygen.

Art is almost
a nimbus
cloud

Almost unattainable.

How austere!

Art is an engine
with iron flanks
and inertial fire.
It hangs in the age-creases
of dusky sky, where air
is thinner than string theory.
We reach for what
is distant, what is
the spark-accumulation
of the past, headlocked
with history, starved
for poetic irrigation.

Look. The point is
mausoleums no longer
ooooo carry my brand
ooooo of muse.

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The Palace Flophouse

When Newton closed his eyes beneath a tree
and took the apple from the serpent, he
conceived the urge of humanity, plea, plea,
procreant desire and tendency.

Edgewise

Damn good poem Achilles. Much of the meaning escaped me at first glance, but I will revisit this, and see what further truths I may derive from it.

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What would your good be doing if there were no evil, and what would the earth look like if shadows disappeared from it?
- Woland (Satan) in Bulgakov's "Master and Margarita"

Baron

This theme can be such a cliche and in this case it isn't. I agree with Edge that this is a good poem. I'll try and give a more detailed review later today.

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Pete_C

This works. I preferred to omit the line "How austere!" when I reread it. Otherwise, the imagery is strong and the content is thought provoking.

It is the kind of poem that crys out for a reread, and whilst I was happy to give it one, I did question how many other readers will. Although I found it accessible, it would be a concern that some might not immerse themselves as deeply as others. It might be worth thinking about when editing it.

Achilles

Thanks for reading. I took out "How austere!" in the edit. It really wasn't adding anything.

cheers

Ben

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The Palace Flophouse

When Newton closed his eyes beneath a tree
and took the apple from the serpent, he
conceived the urge of humanity, plea, plea,
procreant desire and tendency.

wheelz1138

It took me a few work-overs to get what I think you're trying to say. I'm not overly impressed by the pieces of imagery separately, but together, including the form of the poem, I think you've been successful in your writing this.

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Damien.

I think you might be my favorite poet. Wow... you stunned my brain.

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To forget one's purpose is the commonest form of stupidity. - Friedrich Nietzsche

ash somers

Actually, I really liked austere. I've been ruminating over that for quite awhile. Personally, I think it works with, or without. Kudos!