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Go Back   Writers Forum - WritingForums.com > Creativity > Poetry
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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 11-22-2007, 06:03 PM   #1
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abecfive is on a distinguished road
Day Dreamer

Day dreamer in the land of letdown,
leading a life and destined to die.
Cry for the night when the flock flies
to savor the sight of an empty bee hive.

Setting a stage with passion and pride.
Building the brain to live the lie.
Honest tests to check the change
of weary work done begging and blind.

Salty sweat which eases to eyes
stings as it brings the blurry to bright.
With wide open eyes I see inside
the mysterious mistress I dream of at night.

My spun self tangled, then let loose,
carefully crawling: the busiest of brutes.
A self test to assess a life lent weary
to a deadened dreamer in my minds eye.
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Old 11-22-2007, 08:30 PM   #2
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Malone is on a distinguished road
Good stuff here. Two lines particularly impressed me:

Day dreamer in the land of letdown,
Building the brain to live the lie.

The second line of the poem is wonderful as well. The first line just had that "land of letdown" bit that really grabbed me.
Great message here.
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