dannyboy

Into a time the colour of Hamlet

LOUD MALE VOICE: Adieu defeated light, fare thee well
dangerous leaves; let silent foes
night-dream - let them clatter
to fill the vacuum,
as distant stars defeat hope.

Clouds drift, a hand trails across the bed,
a leaf slides along concrete, outside
the drawn, quartered, window, old men
and women, water precise gardens, sleep
in little rows neat as Noddy’s street.

An empty page flutters for redemption
a voice utters hoarse recital; moon
hears not the plea, Muse sleeps in thorny bower,
Trickster shadows play at inspiration,
cause nib to scratch at white paper.

WHISPERED FEMALE VOICE: as useful as childhood hands
at summer’s mosquito bites.

Voices, faces, December memories -
carnival of lights glittering ‘Jesus Saves!’ -
knowing he does no such thing,
not in these moments,
not to these words.

Weight, waves,
sounds, ripples,
gratuitous music;
scared bodies make whoopee -
churn milk into rancid butter.

Sleep, a net, particles of skin, the fish,
redemption, a cell’s unique ability
to reinvent itself
so that every seven years
we pretend to be someone different.

BOTH VOICES: lest we dream someone else’s dream.

Eiji Tunsinagi

You've done something mighty fine here Danny. Especially stanzas 2 and 3, the images are fantastic in combination.

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"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."

"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"

horace.person

i really like it from the loud male voice to the whispered female voice, then after that the poem's voice in my opinion changes. the diction seems a little different, and the short few-word lines throw off my interest.

in between the two voices though is brilliant. however i'm confused as to when the male voice isn't talking anymore and the speaker is, or if it is all the male voice after it says "loud male voice" and all female after "whispered female voice"

thank you

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had to remove picture, couldn't think of something creative enough to replace it with, go figure --

huni

Well first I laughed at: LOUD MALE VOICE: Adieu ....

I thought I heard 'take this with your stage/direction quips'. lol then I realized it's not all about me.

THEN, I kept reading and love what you did with this Danny. The undercurrent and especially these lines;

the drawn, quartered, window, old men
and women, water precise gardens, sleep
in little rows neat as Noddy’s street.

I saw the stage with the painted windows in divided into simple quartered frames. great and worth another read. huni

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each time we see the face ...it is our own ideas of him which we recognize. Proust