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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 11-07-2007, 03:55 PM   #1
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Unforgiving morning

Unforgiving morning

The desire to escape her cold heart
propels a boy out the door and onto
crisp frost carpeting the front lawn.

Richard Pole races across the grass, leaps
the small wire fence with the old man’s
forward slouch, leaves behind footprints
in white grass - silent exclamation marks.

Misty breath exhaled in clouds of hunger
and disgust, the ring of adolescent trousers
rub thin material against each other, hands

furtively touch waking junctures. Jane’s loss
of sacred flesh - surrendered to a role call
of boys for touches, no matter how rough –
almost eases the ache of chilblained heart.

In some far off dawn, on some other lawn
white as death, crisp linen air in lungs,
see Dick and Jane run;
footprints on the frozen grass - still alone?
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Old 11-07-2007, 05:28 PM   #2
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Good flow, good images, great read.

Last edited by Baron : 11-08-2007 at 06:50 AM.
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Old 11-08-2007, 06:33 AM   #3
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ta Baron
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Old 11-08-2007, 07:56 AM   #4
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i only liked it up to a bit, though i enjoyed the whole thing.

props for using chilblained.
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Old 11-08-2007, 09:17 AM   #5
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As has been said great piece. THe only thing that really threw me was the fact that two stanzas in this piece had 3 lines whilst the rest had 4 and it didn't hold any pattern.

I guess it is just me though. Like I said, definately a good piece.
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Old 11-08-2007, 10:52 AM   #6
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Nice line breaks danny.
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