Lady Fire

Deleted

Baron

I'm trying to see your point in this but I'm missing it.

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Cran

perhaps a look through dannyboy's Pinocchio series will help?
especially the formative episodes ...

no ... chose or chooses ...

Lady Fire, it's best if you decide between
punctuated and unpunctuated verse -
semi-punctuated looks sloppy and becomes confusing ...

be careful of phrases like creation beyond belief
because you challenge the reader to not believe ...

no? ...
for thousands of years, swordcrafting (weaponsmithing) was
the cutting edge of technology ...

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"I don't know ... I'm making it up as I go ..." - Dr I Jones

Nature abhors perfection - cats abhor a vacuum!

Pale Gallery

The lack of punctuation is making me feel a bit ill.
The long finishing line also does.

I'm never into sentences being carried onto the next line like that either;

Technology does not
understand his name

It also makes me feel ill. Any chance you can just totally re-format it so I can read it?

Sorry

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"In the end it is impossible not to become what others think you are." - Julius Caesar

Eiji Tunsinagi

The words were hard in this one. Literally and metaphorically. I had trouble reading them, and I think it does have to do with the punctuation (lack).

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"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."

"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"

Lady Fire

As weird as this sounds, I think this struck the bulls eye in terms of what I was attempting to accomplish. I will clean up the punctuation since the words are "hard". Thanks for all the input, I respect and love all of your work, and the time you take to critique.

Sharon