Matthatter

Freddy Kruger fingers, blades,
Carved by violent lightning,
Cut everything in their path,
Until they finally rust away.

A tornado, a flying piranha of glass-
Engulfing all in its path,
Makes the victim of his winds
See his own face before he dies,
In the mirrored blade
That will spin through his neck,
And take his head away.

Jaguar

Hmm, see, that word isn't working for me. To me tornado, although strong in force, is wind, not solid like "glass".


You used this word once, I suggest finding a synonym.


This poem flows pretty good. I guess it was written for halloween?

Thanks,
Jag

Travmire

Freddy Kruger fingers, blades,
Carved by violent lightning, (Is lightning anything but violent? Seems redundant, obvious, and unneeded.)
Cut everything in their path,
Until they finally rust away. (You don't need "finally" and "rust away" is very bland to me.)

A tornado, a flying piranha of glass- (I have no idea what that is, but when I read it, I don't think of a tornado.)
Engulfing all in its path, (This line is boring too.)
Makes the victim of his winds
See his own face before he dies, (Is that true?)
In the mirrored blade
That will spin through his neck,
And take his head away.