If - Writers Forum

steinbeckwannabe · 10-26-2007, 11:12 PM

If digs a deepening chasm
Separating Heaven from Hell,
And When He says those two letters
Things might not end well.

If puts the thing in our lap
And so we better get it right.
If is the simple difference
Between and darkness and light.

Baron · 10-26-2007, 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steinbeckwannabe

If digs a deepening chasm couldn't this just be deep?
Separating Heaven from Hell, separates rather than separating
And When He says those two letters lose it.
Things might not end well.

If puts the thing in our lap
And so we better get it right. lose it
If is the simple difference
Between and darkness and light. lose it. I don't even know why it's there. I think that you could come up with a better last line. The cliche robs the poem of value.

dannyboy · 10-27-2007, 02:49 AM

what he said.