steinbeckwannabe

Who made loss only three letters?
Loss should be a four-letter word—a thief
Of hope and future dreams.

Loss is an icy sky in mid-January,
So cold the warmest coat can’t keep it out.

Just one good thing comes from loss,
If,
You can survive it.

Loss is a mirror, and when you get the strength
And the courage to really look at it,
You see you— in a crystal clear reflection,
And you see all you still got—
All you haven’t—

lost.

Eiji Tunsinagi

Didn't like crystal clear (cliche). And I also didn't like the fact that you say loss is a 3 letter word - but it isn't. And I don't get why you say this because you don't pursue what 3 letter word it is...this confused me. Other than that, I like how you presented everything and the images.

__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."

"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"

cinder and smoke

Three letter word? Whaaat? Confusing.

Explain that and maybe I'll take care to read this again.

__________________
"The vivid tulips eat my oxygen."
-Plath

Travmire

Who made loss only three letters? (I like the opening line.)
Loss should be a four-letter word—a thief (Good enjambment, strong stanza.)
Of hope and future dreams.

Loss is an icy sky in mid-January, (This stanza is adequate, but not exceptional.)
So cold the warmest coat can’t keep it out.

Just one good thing comes from loss,
If, (I don't like this stanza. The "If" seems wrong, and the "one good thing" isn't clear in the poem to me.)
You can survive it.

Loss is a mirror, and when you get the strength
And the courage to really look at it, (Omit "really".)
You see you— in a crystal clear reflection, (Already mentioned, but crystal clear has to go.)
And you see all you still got—
All you haven’t—

lost.




My best guess about the three letter thing is that one of the letters is missing, or lost. If there's another meaning, I'm not seeing it, and the you should try making it more crystal clear in the next revision. It is an interesting line though.

dannyboy

I think the first line should be the title (and would capture my interest).

the rest doesn't do much for me.

steinbeckwannabe

O.k. so I just joined the writers forum yesterday and didn't really know what to expect. I didn't put a lot of thought about posting my first poem....I guess it showed! I agree with all the criticism....this poem blows. Or parts of it anyway. I can't understand why I thought loss was three letters when it is obviously 4? (I can really count--I swear!) Its funny when you come up with an idea for a poem, you tend to run with it even though it might blind you to the obvious.
Thanks for reading and replying. Now I know real writers actually join writer forums.

apple

Actually, "loss" does consist of only three letters. L and O and S. Hmmm, maybe your sub-conscious was at work here.