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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
10-26-2007, 09:46 AM
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#16
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eiji Tunsinagi
No, no, you have a distinctive style. It's just that it is a style of careful word choice (or at least it appears careful) and so the message can sometimes feel cryptic, almost. Hidden among the words that have to be combined, like a puzzle...
Also, I like the changes.
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I've been tthinking about what you say here and I don't really think that there's that much of a puzzle in this poem. |
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10-26-2007, 12:48 PM
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#17
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,240
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Beautiful piece Baron. Nice alliteration, good flow. I like the ending and the balance of alliteration to phrases without it.
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If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.  
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10-26-2007, 02:09 PM
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#18
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
I've been tthinking about what you say here and I don't really think that there's that much of a puzzle in this poem.
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Eh. I agree. But really it doesn't matter. The poem was good, that's what's important. I think maybe I just look too hard.
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"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
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10-26-2007, 03:12 PM
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#19
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: AmbientArtists
Gender: Private
Posts: 3,736
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Personally, I like the assonance and consonance as opposed to the alliteration in this piece. Sometimes, alliteration can seem gimmicky or forced, even when it is not.
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10-26-2007, 09:31 PM
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#20
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vangoghsear
Beautiful piece Baron. Nice alliteration, good flow. I like the ending and the balance of alliteration to phrases without it.
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Thanks for the comment Van. |
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10-26-2007, 11:04 PM
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#21
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilasir Maroa
Personally, I like the assonance and consonance as opposed to the alliteration in this piece. Sometimes, alliteration can seem gimmicky or forced, even when it is not.
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Perhaps you could tell me where the alliteration in this peice seems gimmicky or forced to you? |
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10-27-2007, 08:20 AM
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#22
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eiji Tunsinagi
Eh. I agree. But really it doesn't matter. The poem was good, that's what's important. I think maybe I just look too hard.
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Missed this. Thanks for the comment.  |
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10-27-2007, 09:17 AM
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#23
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Aug 2005
Gender: Private
Posts: 398
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I see this poem is very dark. The descriptions you give seems cold to me, but that's the imagery you were looking for, I assume? A nice read, Baron.
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10-27-2007, 11:45 AM
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#24
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaguar
I see this poem is very dark. The descriptions you give seems cold to me, but that's the imagery you were looking for, I assume? A nice read, Baron.
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Thanks for the comment. |
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