surfacetoday

Flying past the Clinton funeral home
with silver steel pedals and hollow breath –
I saw you stand two feet away from the coffin where your father lay,
a two day stubble across your face
and you did not cry
though your mother and sister and brother did.

Then the Loretto church sermon about jesus,
about your father secondly
and the continuing light of life up through the heavy white sky.
I looked up when we were outside; the puffs of clouds wisped,
they were bulbs of eggshell white
bombed together lazily in a dense mesh wavering;
but they looked like they might hold someone. maybe.

flying past the dogged-black hearse, an old Cadillac,
and through your mother’s red cheeks puffed up like pillows,
chapped with lipstick and smeared mascara
down to the iron black river railing
where you walk after the coffin gets packed away -
closed tight to a small hard hole
of dirt and animal decay,
to words by the priest of formality and pure procedure.

You took a plastic vile of amber liquid,
your mother’s car keys
and went so many new places,
and left without saying; but then again,
you were always quiet.

__________________
Eat shit and poop it out, then repeat ten million times til you become a saggy old basset hound.

www.myspace.com/jakeharms
for music, writing stuff

dannyboy

I like the concrete images in this but the form needs some serious work.

surfacetoday

what do you mean?

__________________
Eat shit and poop it out, then repeat ten million times til you become a saggy old basset hound.

www.myspace.com/jakeharms
for music, writing stuff

surfacetoday

well, do you think that the form is better how I've edited it?

__________________
Eat shit and poop it out, then repeat ten million times til you become a saggy old basset hound.

www.myspace.com/jakeharms
for music, writing stuff

Baron

This is better but it could still use some tweaking. Read it aloud a few times and fit breaks where you pause naturally.

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Eiji Tunsinagi

I really like the images in this one - but yes, the lines need to be broken more appropriately.

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"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."

"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"