SteMcGrath

Can someone tell me who cares whether He's "full of shit"? We're all full of shit folks! Let's try and leave the satirical bitterness off the forum. Or have I missed some vital reason for this?

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"He was over at our house struggling with a poem he could not finish, so I took him upstairs and gave him sex. He came down and finished that verse in twenty-five minutes."

Shawn

Voodoo-- if you haven't read much great poetry, I think you should pick up a volume, because there's a very important lesson to be learned from the greats.

Great poets almost always put their theme in one line. Now... why is this?

You have a theme, yes. But how will that theme be remembered.

Because I could not stop for Death,

This is Dickinson, and though she was probably clinically insane (much more crazy than you are ), she wrote some excellent poetry.

This is the theme of the poem. It's also the title and the first line.

... The last time I read this poem was three years ago, and it immediately came to mind.

What you need is a thematic line that will stick with the reader long after the poem is read. There are things in life that will trigger memories of a line of a poem. Those moments are extremely rare, but when it happens, the reader will know what a good poem is.

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I have had a spider-tea free morning, thank you very much.

vangoghsear

Nah, you're right the first time. The boy has too much talent and too little self confidence. Some of his metaphors of life relating to the sun (is this a look at depression, GV?) are nothing short of brilliant, memorable or not.

I can't argue with pruning. The first stanza could stand alone IMO with just a little work to crystallize the entire theme.

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If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Baron

This is greatly improved with the editting.

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