Welcome to Writing Forums, one of the fastest growing writing communties on the web.
You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions, articles and photo galleries. By joining our free community you will
be able to talk with other writers, get feedback on your work to improve your writing skills, discuss ideas, share tips & tricks, network and make friends!
Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!
If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact support.
| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
10-23-2007, 04:18 PM
|
#1
|
|
Best Seller
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Britain
Gender: Male
Posts: 660
|
Vivid Diagnosis
That doctor threw cancer right down my throat,
I swallowed it, but didn't take it in.
A week or so down the line, I found I couldn't swim.
I was stood on the edge of the pier, my brother pushed me in.
It was not assisted suicide, but an act of faith or courage.
My brother thought me a brave old soul; my brother was my friend.
__________________
"In the end it is impossible not to become what others think you are." - Julius Caesar
Last edited by Pale Gallery : 10-23-2007 at 04:44 PM.
|
|
|
|
10-23-2007, 04:26 PM
|
#2
|
|
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Tampa,FL, though I long to one day call my birthplace (NYC) home.
Gender: Male
Posts: 23
|
I really dig it. Lol, I wish I had more to say, but nothing comes to mind. Awesome work. Cheers, J.E.
__________________
"The unexamined life is not worth living." -Socrates
"All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way." -Aesop Rock
"And for a minute there, I lost myself." -Radiohead
|
|
|
|
|
10-23-2007, 04:31 PM
|
#3
|
|
Banned
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nashville
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,711
|
I can see a poet peeking his puerile little head in somewhere.
_
That doctor threw cancer right down my throat; (or a period.)
I swallowed it, but didn't take it in. (colloquial is fine, but perhaps fix the In?)
A week or so down the line, I found I couldn't swim. (Here, swim is In but still)
I was stood on the edge of the pier, my brother pushed me in.
It's a nursery rhyme thus far. it doesn't set out to do much, and it doesn't. Little more connection between previous and the period of 'swimming' would be nice, as would slightly clarifying the term I was Stood on--
It was not assisted suicide, but an act of faith or courage.
My brother thought me a brave old soul; my brother was my friend.
|
|
|
|
|
10-23-2007, 04:40 PM
|
#4
|
|
Best Seller
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Britain
Gender: Male
Posts: 660
|
I can see a cunt poking his giant head in somewhere.
_
At least offend me after you've critiqued.
Voodoo, I can imagine you were the kid in the playground who pushed someone over and made them cry, then said "Wanna go play?"
Crazy behavior.
__________________
"In the end it is impossible not to become what others think you are." - Julius Caesar
|
|
|
|
|
10-23-2007, 06:42 PM
|
#5
|
|
Banned
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nashville
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,711
|
You called me a cunt and you changed the poem? Really, only one is necessary.
Cunt and Poet are not the same insults.
|
|
|
|
|
10-24-2007, 03:14 AM
|
#6
|
|
Profound Writer
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pale Gallery
I can see a cunt poking his giant head in somewhere.
|
Fuck me Pale, that made me laugh my bollocks off! |
|
|
|
|
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
|
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:32 AM. Powered by vBulletin, Copyright ©2000-2007, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LinkBacks Enabled by vBSEO 3.1.0
|
|
Newsletter |
 |
|
Subscribe to Majestic
the official newsletter of Writing Forums and lit.org
|
|
Link to Us: 
|
|
