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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
10-23-2007, 02:41 PM
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#1
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Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Tampa,FL, though I long to one day call my birthplace (NYC) home.
Gender: Male
Posts: 23
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Sycophant Hierarchy
Baby-booming sycophants
march right along with the army ants
in a step 2, 3 steady beat
that pulsates throughout the hierarchy.
Warlords and druglords
both bed the same whore,
whose stars-and-stripes stockings
leave them panting, wanting more.
One's a gentleman, one's a scholar.
One tips his hat, one leaves a dollar,
and she wants both to think they're the father,
when the reality is her tubes are tied
like contortionist limbs on an average night.
Her mouth all open, and I do declare
there's a foul stench in the midnight air.
Causing eyes to water and lungs to collapse.
How nice it would be if she'd shut her trap.
__________________
"The unexamined life is not worth living." -Socrates
"All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way." -Aesop Rock
"And for a minute there, I lost myself." -Radiohead
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10-23-2007, 02:58 PM
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#2
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: AmbientArtists
Gender: Private
Posts: 3,675
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Wow, interesting imagery. What are the stockings refering to? America?
__________________
My hopeful book:
Crap! Haven't posted it anywhere yet, darn!
"Only tyranny cloaks itself in shadows. The light of justice can not be hidden."
www.theoddvillepress.com
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10-23-2007, 04:18 PM
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#3
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Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Tampa,FL, though I long to one day call my birthplace (NYC) home.
Gender: Male
Posts: 23
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It's definitely one of the ideas I had in my head. I wanted to convey the concepts of hypocrisy and deceit using imagery and metaphor instead of a linear story, and the particular color of the stockings jumped at me instantly. Thanks for the feedback!
__________________
"The unexamined life is not worth living." -Socrates
"All I ever wanted was to pick apart the day, put the pieces back together my way." -Aesop Rock
"And for a minute there, I lost myself." -Radiohead
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10-23-2007, 05:14 PM
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#4
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Chicago
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,335
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All of your quotes are good.
__________________
How can you expect a man who's warm to understand a man who's cold?
- Solzhenitsyn "Ivan Denisovich"
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10-23-2007, 06:32 PM
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#5
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,903
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The rhythm falters in places but some good metaphors
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10-23-2007, 07:45 PM
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#6
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Addict
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Maryland
Gender: Female
Posts: 146
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mer de Nuit
Baby-booming sycophants
march right along with the army ants
in a step 2, 3 steady beat this didn't read quite right with me
that pulsates throughout the hierarchy.
Warlords and druglords
both bed the same whore,
whose stars-and-stripes stockings
leave them panting, wanting more.
One's a gentleman, one's a scholar.
One tips his hat, one leaves a dollar,
and she wants both to think they're the father,
when the reality is her tubes are tied
like contortionist limbs on an average night.
Her mouth all open, and I do declare
there's a foul stench in the midnight air.
Causing eyes to water and lungs to collapse.
How nice it would be if she'd shut her trap.
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I think the words in blue could disappear.
I like it though the rhythm is a little off.
__________________
Dian Bramaged.
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