Fr0g

Short and sweet, tell me what you think of it. I'm writing a story with a poem at the beginning of each chapter, and this starts the first one. Not sure about the bridge being out and no path around, suggestions please!

The grass is always greener
On the other side of the meadow
But the bridge is out
With no path around
Music will hold the answer
The guidance, the truth, the way
For the grass is always greener
But without music, it would be grey

cinder and smoke

This poem contains the ultimate overused concept. "The grass is always greener blah blah blah." I think you've got a good idea about the music bit and whatnot but in order to make this memorable, you've really got to find a new way of expressing the power of music. Make it something that sparks interest. Make it something so brilliant that readers will overlook the fact that the "power of music" has been talked about so many times.

Try thinking of new ideas and posting the revised piece. Or even just brainstorm ideas and post them for discussion. Keep working and thanks for posting

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"The vivid tulips eat my oxygen."
-Plath

Baron

I suggest losing the bits highlighted

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