Removing the Bullet - Page 2 - Writers Forum

Voodoo · 10-22-2007, 04:09 PM

"You can only say negative things about pieces?"

Actually, getting off is masturbation, which is more in tune with posting a poem you don't care about and expecting others to pat you dry with compliments.

speakerphone2 · 10-22-2007, 04:14 PM

Keep them relevant, Voodoo.

Voodoo · 10-22-2007, 04:17 PM

Nature, love.

*As a note. There's very little proper critique on this board. Not what's patting backs or shitting on someone, but an actual poetic critique. They're long, most of us don't know how to do them, and the piece in question should actually be good enough to be worth working on.

Baron · 10-22-2007, 04:18 PM

I think that you should read through the questions raised by Voodoo and answer them

Pale Gallery · 10-22-2007, 04:24 PM

I suppose people do need someone to bring them back down to earth sometimes. I once did a pretty decent piece of Maya work and everyone was telling me how fantastic it was, "professional standard" and all that shiz, I thought I was a 'genius' for a few days. Then this photography teacher guy at college told me how it was "really pretty unimaginative". Then I went to a party and he was there. We started talking about Beefheart and Frank Zappa and Amon Duul and the likes. I realised, although he thinks everything is shit apart from Frank Zappa, he spoke quite a bit of sense .

I stopped using Maya after that, but the little experience taught me that the majority of people are wrong, the one guy is always right. If you can win him over you are a winner.

I'm tired none of that made sense.

But anyway, peace Voodoo.
Although you spoke some truth, you carry on with yourself all night and everyone gets pissed and agrovated. Antagonistic guy.

Critiquing poetry isn't life mate.

Voodoo · 10-22-2007, 04:27 PM

I'm not that guy, certainly. This question has been raised elsewhere, with me in company. If you can write to please yourself, using all your talent, then yes, you've made it. My prose will not be published because it's not a style that's marketable, but I work on it so I'll say Best I Can Get, and be happy. Verse is a little different with me, but a lot of people feel the opposite way.

It's all taste.

I'm only bringing up some bare points that every poet should know, and it shouldn't even be a problem. This is the minor minor leagues and the questions posed are like 2 and 2.

Mermaid on the breakwater · 10-22-2007, 04:27 PM

Well, I don't usually like to tear chunks out of* (what the hell is tear chunks into?) other people's poems, it's not my place to do that and I think some of the issues Voodoo raises are concerned with voice, and voice is the writer's tool, not the critic's, as Lin once said (Not pinching your material, Lin).

Some of the issues he raises, I agree with, Take what you can from what he's said, Eiji and don't worry about the tone of the critique. This piece has it's own value, which I appreciate even though it's way off my style.

speakerphone2 · 10-22-2007, 04:35 PM

There's no I in threesome, boys.
Gotta love the Interpol.

So here goes:

There
in the high cabinet -
the floors crack so loud --- it's too early for this. Only do that kind of shit in poe-esque telltale heart situations.

my rushing for the wooden stool
slamming it down
I step up groping
the top shelf ----how is this any different is from the first stanza? the only thing i get from this is a moderate sense of rushing, of urgency, and even at that, it should be somehting like "fervent groping"... damn i need me somma that.

and finally grip
plyers: ------misspelled, naturally. Why is this alone?
Red-handled
rusty-tipped

Her screams echo
plates rattle
in the cupboards ----- isn't this the third time you're talking about the cupboards? shut up about the cupboards already.
down the hall - ----- wait, what? down the wha--? I thought you were in the kitchen, what with the cupboards everywhere...
These will have to do...

I leap through the open door
hinges still
creaking--- The Plier Ninja, gone again...

as I disappear
into morning mist
silk against my skin --- this is random, disconnected. If you're going to finish off like this, make the rest at least half as good.

This is rushed, and you know it.

Voodoo · 10-22-2007, 04:40 PM

"Although you spoke some truth, you carry on with yourself all night and everyone gets pissed and agrovated. Antagonistic guy.

Critiquing poetry isn't life mate."

Well, I don't piss people off. They get pissed off. It's their choice, and my review of their poem certainly shouldn't receive a ticket.

Eiji Tunsinagi · 10-22-2007, 04:42 PM

Hm. Thanks Speakerphone, I guess. I feel allot of your commentary bashing nonsense, but some of it actually makes sense. I might change some of this.

And plyers can also be pliers. Either one is acceptable.

Eiji Tunsinagi · 10-22-2007, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baron

I think that you should read through the questions raised by Voodoo and answer them

He hasn't really asked any questions yet...I'd like to hear them if he'd stopped the useless bickering.

speakerphone2 · 10-22-2007, 04:44 PM

It's 'a lot', if we're going to get picky, sir.

And where is my commentary bashing? All of my comments are valid. It's not like I said "You can't talk about cupboards because you're Norwegian and Norwegians are stupid ignorant idiots."

Bashing? As if.

Voodoo · 10-22-2007, 04:45 PM

I've not bickered once. If you'd bother, look at the questions (Yes, they're posed questions, though they don't end in ?) I proposed in the Review.

Mermaid on the breakwater · 10-22-2007, 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by German Voodoo

"Although you spoke some truth, you carry on with yourself all night and everyone gets pissed and agrovated. Antagonistic guy.

Critiquing poetry isn't life mate."

Well, I don't piss people off. They get pissed off. It's their choice, and my review of their poem certainly shouldn't receive a ticket.

You've got to understand that people take their writing seriously, and if you don't mix your criticisms with positives (which there always are) then it - you know - get's people going. It's possibly not what you intend but alas, we all piss people off when we don't intend to but it doesn't make our actions right. Ignorance is bliss... So they say, of course, me, ignorant? No...

Baron · 10-22-2007, 04:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by German Voodoo

He curses pieces I think. I'd like him not to comment on this one.

No, nothing the author doesn't do. If, however, you're uncomfortable with people making negative comments on your work and only want friends to look, marvel, and stroke you off;

Be my guest.

"Sorry. I'm not about poems that rhyme if they don't want to rhyme. This one stopped rhyming and so it is what it is."

Not about -- PoMo, was it? It seems lazy, actually, if a poem just loses its rhythm. It should be an incentive to read and keep along with it, not just be there and "clog shit up."

_

There
in the high cabinet -
the floors crack so loud

Walk me through the line break choices. Nothing wrong, yet, I simply want to know if you control your work or post it and go get some tail.

my rushing for the wooden stool
slamming it down
I step up groping
the top shelf

Okay, you go from describing from your own voice, someting Not You, then go into present tense narration of your own actions (marks some of the most amateur poetry. Not you, of course, just saying, it's bad if, of course, it doesn't work) Also, I don't see why you didn't have punctuation. I'm not averse to poetry that shuns it for style, but if it seems absent out of WhoFuckKnows, it's not tea.

and finally grip
plyers:
Red-handled
rusty-tipped

Yes, what about pliers (misspelled it, I think) merits a line break all its own? Going into line for line description should pace the reader, so I do believe commas would enhance this. Of course, You rule.

Her screams echo
plates rattle
in the cupboards
down the hall -
These will have to do...

So, it's just action? Not "Echoing screams," not description, just (passivity can be a good thing) narration? Line breaks are a great innovation in poetry (from the purely sonic roots) that add detail. Why, mate, did you put "in the cupboards;" what double meaning is there? PoMo, sounds. Also, a thought in your head should, I think, be offset (though, it shouldn't be there at all in that strophe, as it's all told in your head, and most poets think, usuallu, italics are blunt instruments)

I leap through the open door
hinges still
creaking

Well, okay, this is the (nonphilosophical, but I can't do it well either) line break I meant. Hinges still -- means, they're still. Still creaking and Still are two different things, which is good, but they're contradictory, so it's simply ruined.

as I disappear
into morning mist
silk against my skin

(as I) rather telly thing, don't you think?Trying to gently coax the reader from the poem, which is okay, but not doing it right. You need to pay attention as to how you construct your strophes. Otherwise, we needn't bother reading it in the Poetry forum. Of course, you needn't use a strophe at all, but if you want to tackle it;

"Be my guest."

I think that there are a few good questions raised here. It isn't Voodoo who started the bickering on this occasion.