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A leaving poem A leaving poem
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Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc.

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Old 10-21-2007, 11:06 PM   #1
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A leaving poem
Disillusion
Mind intrusion
Thoughts of you breaking like waves.
Treachery
Unfaithful me
November was his name.
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So subtly is the fume of life designed
To clairfy the pulse and cloud the mind
And leave me once again undone, possessed.

- Edna St. Vincent Millay
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Old 10-22-2007, 03:57 PM   #2
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Break the third line and add something that says that you feel what you're writing.
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Old 10-22-2007, 05:15 PM   #3
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Hello, I had the pleasure on another thread.

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Disillusion
Mind intrusion
Thoughts of you breaking like waves.
Treachery
Unfaithful me
November was his name.

Disillusion is an abstraction, as are: thoughts, treachery, unfaithfulness, and even November.

So, I can't recreate any of this. Many modern poems, this is a bad thing, because they exist to solely recreate an experience (outside of philosophy)

What about mind intrusion?
Everything else? Who cheated?
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Old 10-22-2007, 06:24 PM   #4
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Not feeling this. Needs some protein.
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