The Cloaked Stranger

i am a sea of memory
my conscious self a cork
that bobs along the surface

only when an external force
pushes the cork down
do i enter the depths

i do not stay long
the cork shoots back up
for the surface is safer

up here there is no sign
of the shipwrecks of the past
or of the seamonsters
lurking amidst the flotsam

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check out my novel: www.nomananisland.wordpress.com I'd appreciate critiques/comments.

Baron

Enjoyable and managing to be deep in a very light way. Good poem

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Amara-J

Good poem. You had me scurrying to look up the word 'flotsam'; no problems there. I was wondering idly if the imagery of a glass bottle would fit instead of a cork, but considering stanzas #2 and #3, a cork does sound more appropriate. Simple but good choice of words, and a thumbs up.

J.R. MacLean

a well-spoke piece.

suggest 'below' the flotsam rather than 'amidst'

cheers
J.R.

Eiji Tunsinagi

Nice piece. Suspiciously simple, yet again.

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"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."

"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"

The Cloaked Stranger

I find that "amidst" connotes a relationship between the seamonsters and the flotsam that "below" wouldn't create. Plus, I like the way it sounds out loud. BUt thank you for the suggestion -- I'm always interested in critique because it teaches me.

__________________
check out my novel: www.nomananisland.wordpress.com I'd appreciate critiques/comments.

cinder and smoke

I liked this. Thanks for posting.

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"The vivid tulips eat my oxygen."
-Plath