Pale Gallery

Or 'John And The Brain Factory'

Good day sir.
You are about to enter my brain.
Please wipe your feet before entering.
You don't have to take your shoes off.
Though, you should be careful where you tread.
To your right you will see my brain.
To the left... My brain.
Careful there, that's my tumor.
Doing well isn't he?
Later on we will stop for a while.
At this point, you will be free to roam.
See what you can find.
If you see any memories,
be sure to let me know.
I've lost them you see.
You can look out of the window if you like.
Be careful though, they roll around a bit.
Top to bottom, side to side,
but you will see the whole world!
Very exciting indeed.

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"In the end it is impossible not to become what others think you are." - Julius Caesar

Baron

I think that you could make a lot more of this one.

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Foxee

PG, you hooked me right in with that title. I'm not sure I'd bother with the subtitle, though...but it's ok.

I liked the poem quite a bit. There is a whimsical feeling to it that contrasts with the seriousness of the tumor. Making a conversation piece out of it seems to call attention to it while at the same time bringing it down in importance to nothing more than a spectacle.

I don't know enough to agree with Baron or not. But this is wonderfully unique as it is. I like the fact you don't waste words.

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If the staff were bent on policing your thoughts there would be nothing but a smoking hole where the debate forum used to be.

TinyMachines

I think this is the best work of yours ive seen. brilliant. possibly best ive ever seen on the board.

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My solo music: www.myspace.com/constantbullshit

Ilasir Maroa

Why do people love to say this?(especially to poems like this; no offence intended, please see somments below.)

I have to say I find this not very poetic. I try to keep an open mind when deciding what I think is or is not a poem, but this really has no poetic devices or rhythm, no structural devices(ie, line breaks), and little else to recommend it as poetic. It's a nice, humorous piece of prose, and has a good idea for an image, but the description is cliche and actual references to the fact that you're in a brain (metaphorical, allegorical, or otherwise) are few and far between. This could be anywhere, your apartment, your house, your garage. Simply change five (or so) words and the brain image is gone. Sorry PG, but this is not one of your best works.

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My hopeful book:
Crap! Haven't posted it anywhere yet, darn!
"Only tyranny cloaks itself in shadows. The light of justice can not be hidden."

www.theoddvillepress.com

TinyMachines

i actually found it pretty depressing. i like that this could take place anywhere. I thought that was kind of the point.

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My solo music: www.myspace.com/constantbullshit

Pale Gallery

Why do people like things? I don't know why Ilasir, but he's allowed to right?

More importantly, why does most of the world listen to pop music?
Maybe most of the world is stupid.

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"In the end it is impossible not to become what others think you are." - Julius Caesar

cinder and smoke

I didn't really like this one. I agree with Ilasir. To me, it doesn't have a sense of any sort of melody. I think you can do better with this subject. This would be a more interesting topic for a story if you decide to keep the structure the way it is.

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"The vivid tulips eat my oxygen."
-Plath