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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
10-19-2007, 11:40 AM
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#1
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Ingenious Design
*ever so slightly edited*
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"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
Last edited by Eiji Tunsinagi : 10-23-2007 at 09:40 AM.
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10-19-2007, 11:52 AM
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#2
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,911
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You are getting very weird.
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10-19-2007, 11:55 AM
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#3
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Thanks? 
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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10-19-2007, 02:53 PM
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#4
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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I didn't think this one was that weird... 
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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10-19-2007, 02:57 PM
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#5
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,911
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No, not at all. Everyone I know likes to skin their girlfriend alive. |
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10-19-2007, 07:01 PM
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#6
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Jeez...how long have I been gone? Damn Half Life 2...
Anyway, seriously, I need to know if this piece is adequate. Likes/Dislikes? Anybody?
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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10-19-2007, 07:42 PM
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#7
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Adept Writer
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Maine, USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 937
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Jame Gumb likes your poem.
It puts the lotion on the skin.
__________________
...
http://www.foreignbride101.com/
____________________________
.........In Loving Memory of
...Princess Thoth/Chupacabra
.................
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10-19-2007, 07:53 PM
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#8
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mallignamius
Jame Gumb likes your poem.
It puts the lotion on the skin.
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LOL That's just scary.
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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10-19-2007, 09:11 PM
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#9
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: AmbientArtists
Gender: Private
Posts: 3,693
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__________________
My hopeful book:
Crap! Haven't posted it anywhere yet, darn!
"Only tyranny cloaks itself in shadows. The light of justice can not be hidden."
www.theoddvillepress.com
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10-19-2007, 09:53 PM
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#10
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Writing Machine
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 1,741
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I thought immediately of a dress makers model. I just love this one. Heaps. Can't even see any crits to mention. 'The back of my mothers cabinet' or something instead of:
a disturbed
anatomy teacher's
basement... would shift this from the disturbing sensation some have found. Unless of course you wanted this extra layer. ; ) and you ARE using a skeleton to 'measure and make on'. Then you are one disturbed little puppy eh! I love the shifts between the creation of a garment and the other hidden idea of creation and the model. That could be played with more. Nice overall I think. huni
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each time we see the face ...it is our own ideas of him which we recognize. Proust
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10-20-2007, 01:59 PM
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#11
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
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Thanks Ilasir and Huni...I like your idea for the stanza about the teacher - to instead be something like mother...I wanted the disturbing to be more subtle, and I think I've made it too extreme here...I'm going to change that. Thanks!
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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10-20-2007, 02:27 PM
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#12
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
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Improved with the edit. You've now switched from Jame Gumb to Norman Bates.
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10-20-2007, 02:41 PM
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#13
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
Improved with the edit. You've now switched from Jame Gumb to Norman Bates.
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LOL That's what I was going for all along!
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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10-20-2007, 02:49 PM
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#14
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: New York
Gender: Female
Posts: 279
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Ahaha this was fun to read. I especially liked this:
Quote:
I am God
hemming her
as I please
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This whole thing was quite surreal.
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"The vivid tulips eat my oxygen."
-Plath
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10-20-2007, 03:17 PM
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#15
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Best Seller
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Britain
Gender: Male
Posts: 660
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Ha this is pretty strange actually.. and scary.
I feel like writing a decent poem now.
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"In the end it is impossible not to become what others think you are." - Julius Caesar
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