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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
10-19-2007, 10:29 AM
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#1
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Addict
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: On the dark side of the moon, or Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 156
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The Plum
The Plum
pluck from the life tree
bite through the dark night sky
to the sweet dawn of spirit
the cool juice of life
savour the taste
plant the seed |
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10-19-2007, 10:36 AM
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#2
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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I like this allot.
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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10-19-2007, 10:44 AM
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#3
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Gender: Private
Posts: 448
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Cloaked Stranger
The Plum
pluck from the life tree
bite through the dark night sky
to the sweet dawn of spirit
the cool juice of life
savour the taste
plant the seed |
Love, love, love little poems!
This was beautiful, subtle yet profound.
(One of my all time faves is a tiny little 5 line Yeats.)
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~
And he still gives his love, he just gives it away
The love he receives is the love that is saved
And sometimes is seen a strange spot in the sky
A Man that is given to fly
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10-19-2007, 10:57 AM
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#4
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,914
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The annoying thing about short poems is that they leave little to critique. They either work or they don't. this one worked, well done.
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10-19-2007, 10:59 AM
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#5
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
The annoying thing about short poems is that they leave little to critique. They either work or they don't. this one worked, well done.
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But that's what makes them so exciting. They're hard to write. Like a really good haiku.
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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10-19-2007, 11:06 AM
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#6
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Addict
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: On the dark side of the moon, or Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 156
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wow -- thank you all for the kind words. I've never really been comfortable with poetry (I am usually a prose writer) and your comments are heartening.
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10-19-2007, 09:20 PM
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#7
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Writing Machine
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 1,741
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What a little delight to find today. Like this one a lot. The circle of it, like life and each line a small metaphor. Very good Stranger - thanks. huni
__________________
each time we see the face ...it is our own ideas of him which we recognize. Proust
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10-21-2007, 07:52 AM
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#8
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Addict
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: On the dark side of the moon, or Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 156
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I'm really glad this worked. Hearing back that it's simple, subtle and profound, that's exactly what I was going for and I'm glad I pulled it off. Because when it doesn't "work" (as Baron put it) then it blows up in your face. Thanks to everyone again.  |
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