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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
10-18-2007, 07:05 PM
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#16
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Best Seller
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Birmingham, England
Gender: Male
Posts: 502
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
I'll try and put some fruit and veg in the next one to spark your interest.  |
I'd prefer it to all these Autumn 'hues' of late! 
__________________
"He was over at our house struggling with a poem he could not finish, so I took him upstairs and gave him sex. He came down and finished that verse in twenty-five minutes."
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10-18-2007, 07:43 PM
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#17
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: AmbientArtists
Gender: Private
Posts: 3,739
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thoth
thats odd, I went back to see where you posted an apology but couldn't find it.
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It was right in the post you quited, even if it was a rather indirect one.
Baron, liking this one. Some good lines here and a nice image, rhythm was good.
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My hopeful book:
Crap! Haven't posted it anywhere yet, darn!
"Only tyranny cloaks itself in shadows. The light of justice can not be hidden."
www.theoddvillepress.com
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10-18-2007, 08:07 PM
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#18
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Banned
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: northeast USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 450
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
I suppose that how that's taken depends on one's attitude to Bob Ross
Thanks for the comment whatever. |
your poems are insightful
whatever |
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10-19-2007, 09:05 AM
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#19
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilasir Maroa
It was right in the post you quited, even if it was a rather indirect one.
Baron, liking this one. Some good lines here and a nice image, rhythm was good.
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Thanks Ilasir |
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10-19-2007, 09:12 AM
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#20
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thoth
your poems are insightful
whatever
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This is kind of funny. Is this supposed to be funny?
Whatever.
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"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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10-19-2007, 05:54 PM
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#21
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eiji Tunsinagi
This is kind of funny. Is this supposed to be funny?
Whatever.
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a miss-spelling of inciteful? |
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10-19-2007, 10:16 PM
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#22
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Writing Machine
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 1,741
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I really enjoyed this one B. Good rich images. I would also drop "only" in stanza three last line. It is a weak word along with 'just' and weakens a poem, I feel unless there is a really good reason for it. imo : )
To the colour issue some have - it is overused in Autumn poems and VERY hard not to. So the challenge would be to find another way to show, the colour 'yellow and gold' in your leading stanza. That would make the poem really sit up and get attention. Love the 'windswept palette' image. That is a strong image, I saw it. excellent. huni
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each time we see the face ...it is our own ideas of him which we recognize. Proust
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10-20-2007, 12:31 AM
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#23
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
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Quote:
Originally Posted by huni
I really enjoyed this one B. Good rich images. I would also drop "only" in stanza three last line. It is a weak word along with 'just' and weakens a poem, I feel unless there is a really good reason for it. imo : )
To the colour issue some have - it is overused in Autumn poems and VERY hard not to. So the challenge would be to find another way to show, the colour 'yellow and gold' in your leading stanza. That would make the poem really sit up and get attention. Love the 'windswept palette' image. That is a strong image, I saw it. excellent. huni
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Thanks for the comments huni. As for yellows and golds, if I were to paint an autumn landscape those colours would be there and it would be foolish to replace them. Anyway, I think that SteMcgrath was complaining about the flood of autumn poems in general rather than specifically attacking this one. I'll ponder on it but aurumn colours are as they are. |
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10-20-2007, 08:43 PM
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#24
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Utah
Gender: Male
Posts: 260
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I personally enjoy your style and descriptions. The biggest thing I could find to criticize in this poem was your lack of a period at the end of the third sentence / stanza which is unlike the other three.
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10-20-2007, 09:10 PM
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#25
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wheelz1138
I personally enjoy your style and descriptions. The biggest thing I could find to criticize in this poem was your lack of a period at the end of the third sentence / stanza which is unlike the other three.
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Thanks for pointing that out. It's now corrected. Thanks also for the comment. |
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10-20-2007, 09:19 PM
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#26
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Utah
Gender: Male
Posts: 260
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no problem Baron
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10-21-2007, 11:34 AM
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#27
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wheelz1138
no problem Baron
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Thanks again  |
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10-21-2007, 11:46 AM
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#28
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Gender: Private
Posts: 448
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Eh, ho-hum.
It didnt rip out my soul and leave me sprawled on the floor gasping for air.
Which is what I like poetry to do to me.
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So subtly is the fume of life designed
To clairfy the pulse and cloud the mind
And leave me once again undone, possessed.
- Edna St. Vincent Millay
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10-21-2007, 11:47 AM
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#29
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
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Quote:
Originally Posted by female_writer
Eh, ho-hum.
It didnt rip out my soul and leave me sprawled on the floor gasping for air.
Which is what I like poetry to do to me.
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Ah well, better luck with the next one perhaps? Thanks for taking the time to read it.
Last edited by Baron : 10-21-2007 at 12:47 PM.
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