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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
10-18-2007, 01:10 PM
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#1
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,240
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Strange Benefactors
Strange Benefactors
© Vangoghsear 2007
The canopy sways
a gently moving mosaic
of pliant wooden fingers,
holding delicate tiles.
Sun touched
veined yellows,
golden glowing amber,
oranges.
Above the light
below, absorbed contrast
to thick velvet browns,
tans, reds,
blackened greens.
Course callused coats
crackled from experience,
abuse of sun and cold,
Shadowed dimples
add character
to a face.
Strange benefactors
drink through their legs,
breath our wasted air,
give us shelter
warmth and
beauty.
__________________
If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.  
Last edited by vangoghsear : 10-18-2007 at 01:13 PM.
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10-18-2007, 01:14 PM
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#2
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vangoghsear
Strange Benefactors
© Vangoghsear 2007
The canopy sways
a gently moving mosaic
of pliant wooden fingers,
holding delicate tiles.
Sun touched
veined yellows,
golden glowing amber,
oranges.
Above the light
below, absorbed contrast
to thick velvet browns,
tans, reds,
blackened greens.
Course callused coats
crackled from experience,
abuse of sun and cold,
Shadowed dimples
add character
to a face.
Strange benefactors
drink through their legs,
breath our wasted air,
give us shelter
warmth and
beauty.
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The bold is the only part I didn't get - I think it's mostly just me. I really like the use of color in this piece and the meaning. I don't know if I get the title though - but I do like it.
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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10-18-2007, 01:32 PM
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#3
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,911
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You're really into trees at the moment aen't you? I like the way that you present the images in this.
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10-18-2007, 02:03 PM
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#4
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,240
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
You're really into trees at the moment aen't you? I like the way that you present the images in this.
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Gotta love em. 
Thanks for the comments, Baron and ET.
__________________
If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.
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10-18-2007, 02:43 PM
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#5
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: AmbientArtists
Gender: Private
Posts: 3,693
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lol, more tree poems... This one was good. Had nce imagery and a well-played mesage.
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10-18-2007, 03:03 PM
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#6
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,911
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilasir Maroa
lol, more tree poems... This one was good. Had nce imagery and a well-played mesage.
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I think that Elji picked the wrong theme for the next challenge. It should have been a battle of the trees - real druid bard mode then.  |
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10-18-2007, 03:07 PM
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#7
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,240
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
I think that Elji picked the wrong theme for the next challenge. It should have been a battle of the trees - real druid bard mode then. |
Guess I'll just have to write about apples, pears, oranges or something. 
__________________
If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.
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10-18-2007, 03:11 PM
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#8
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,911
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vangoghsear
Guess I'll just have to write about apples, pears, oranges or something. |
I have to warn you that writing about fruit can get you into trouble on this forum, ask SteMcGrath. |
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10-18-2007, 03:29 PM
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#9
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Best Seller
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Birmingham, England
Gender: Male
Posts: 502
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
I have to warn you that writing about fruit can get you into trouble on this forum, ask SteMcGrath. |
Enjoyed this piece Van, and yes. Be careful when writing on the topic of fruit or some such thing.
__________________
"He was over at our house struggling with a poem he could not finish, so I took him upstairs and gave him sex. He came down and finished that verse in twenty-five minutes."
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10-18-2007, 04:11 PM
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#10
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,240
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SteMcGrath
Enjoyed this piece Van, and yes. Be careful when writing on the topic of fruit or some such thing. |
Ah, intrigue in the poetry forum. I will have to check out your threads SteM. for fruity works. 
__________________
If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.
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10-18-2007, 05:55 PM
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#11
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Banned
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: northeast USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 450
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double post, nothing to see here...
Last edited by Thoth : 10-18-2007 at 05:57 PM.
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10-18-2007, 05:56 PM
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#12
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Banned
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: northeast USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 450
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vangoghsear
Strange Benefactors
© Vangoghsear 2007
The canopy sways
a gently moving mosaic
of pliant wooden fingers,
holding delicate tiles.
Sun touched
veined yellows,
golden glowing amber,
oranges.
Above the light
below, absorbed contrast
to thick velvet browns,
tans, reds,
blackened greens.
Course callused coats
crackled from experience,
abuse of sun and cold,
Shadowed dimples
add character
to a face.
Strange benefactors
drink through their legs,
breath our wasted air,
give us shelter
warmth and
beauty.
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This is one of the most appealing nature poems I've read so far. |
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10-18-2007, 09:19 PM
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#13
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,240
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thoth
This is one of the most appealing nature poems I've read so far.
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Gosh thanks Thoth!
__________________
If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.
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