Three Seasons - Page 2 - Writers Forum

Baron · 10-18-2007, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eiji Tunsinagi

453. Not including the one for Back to the Future 2...Or was it 1?

Back to the poem....

Thanks for that Elji

Baron · 10-19-2007, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vangoghsear

I saw this after I posted mine, so I quickly looked at the date you first posted it. [-o< Darn! You got yours in first.

Oh well. They're plenty different.

LOL. This one is only using the autumn images as a metaphor, it really isn't about the seasons.

I like this smiley too.

Eiji Tunsinagi · 10-19-2007, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baron

LOL. This one is only using the autumn images as a metaphor, it really isn't about the seasons.

I like this smiley too.

If this isn't about the seasons what is it about?

Baron · 10-19-2007, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eiji Tunsinagi

If this isn't about the seasons what is it about?

It's about a disintegrating relationship

speakerphone2 · 10-26-2007, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baron

Three Seasons

Bright summer light in laughter
faded to find autumn colours
golden hair tossed by a breeze
love and change reflected in blue eyes
shone warm for me in heated haze
then to be downcast
to chill with sadness
when leaves of green became gold
and fell to the ground to make a bed
lasting for a moment only
to be blown by cold gusts scattered
to wither and waste into winter
where your heart lied

I felt like you transitioned from summer to autumn twice in this poem, and the repetition got a little--uh--repetitive.

I particularly like the line "to wither and waste into winter" ( the w sound is an example of the Good Kind of Repetition ) and the last line as well.
I didn't enjoy the beginning. Sensory overload, like I've read it before.

More stuff happens in autumn than just leaves falling off trees! If there's one thing I could tell everyone considering writing a poem about fall, it would be that. Definitely.

speakerphone2 · 10-26-2007, 07:25 PM

Here's an interesting comment:
(well, III think it's interesting)

I understood the fact that this was about a disintegrating relationship.
However, if you're looking for a good example of that, download the song Summer Skin by Death Cab For Cutie.
Excellent example, with a seasonal metaphor as well.

Baron · 10-26-2007, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by speakerphone2

Here's an interesting comment:
(well, III think it's interesting)

I understood the fact that this was about a disintegrating relationship.
However, if you're looking for a good example of that, download the song Summer Skin by Death Cab For Cutie.
Excellent example, with a seasonal metaphor as well.

Thanks for the comments and for taking the time. I'll give some thought to what you're saying.