War Protestors (9/17/07) - Writers Forum

Thoth · 10-17-2007, 08:55 PM

I watched them from my car
Five women, one man
On the sidewalk
With signs
Sharing the same passion
Believing they can change minds
Hopeful, standing proudly
The man had a peace sign
on the back of his wheelchair.

Cars sped by, honking
Strangers showing support.

I sat in my car wondering
About doves
and mushroom clouds

Eiji Tunsinagi · 10-17-2007, 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thoth

I watched them from my car
Five women, one man
On the sidewalk
With signs
Sharing the same passion
Believing they can change minds
Hopeful, standing proudly
The man had a peace sign
on the back of his wheelchair
Cars sped by, honking
Strangers showing support
I sat in my car wondering
About the images of doves
and mushroom clouds

I like this. I have only one suggestion, for the last 2 lines: I think About dove and/mushroom clouds would be better. The images of kind of weakens it, I feel. I like the straightforwardness of this piece though.

Baron · 10-17-2007, 09:34 PM

I like this and I disagree with Elji. The last two lines are great.

Ilasir Maroa · 10-17-2007, 10:30 PM

Nice one here thoth. It doesn't really send much of a message, but allows the reader to imagine their feelings in such a situation. Good work.

Pete_C · 10-18-2007, 02:21 AM

I agree with Eiji.

Thoth · 10-18-2007, 05:34 PM

Thanks for the comments. I wrote this one in about 30 min. in a parking lot near my house.