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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
10-18-2007, 10:06 PM
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#16
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
I'm not tire-ing of reading this 
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I think I'm getting tyred. Is that possible?
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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10-19-2007, 01:17 AM
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#17
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Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Gender: Male
Posts: 24
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From a very non-technical standpoint, this is an enjoyable piece. The reversals in the first stanza pulled me in and intrigued me right away, with the last line closing the deal so to speak. It added an element of drama to the scene being portrayed, and it flowed on without a hitch (with perhaps the exception of the already mentioned "bleeding-chapped" which gave me pause).
I fully admit to being a complete neophyte to the deeper workings of poetry, though I am, as Baron stated, one of the ones who buys. I may not be a poetic technician, but I definitely enjoy this piece for its own sound and feel. Well done Eiji.
__________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend." ---- Albert Camus.
"Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar."
- Edward R. Murrow
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10-19-2007, 09:09 AM
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#18
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DoctorBadAss
From a very non-technical standpoint, this is an enjoyable piece. The reversals in the first stanza pulled me in and intrigued me right away, with the last line closing the deal so to speak. It added an element of drama to the scene being portrayed, and it flowed on without a hitch (with perhaps the exception of the already mentioned "bleeding-chapped" which gave me pause).
I fully admit to being a complete neophyte to the deeper workings of poetry, though I am, as Baron stated, one of the ones who buys. I may not be a poetic technician, but I definitely enjoy this piece for its own sound and feel. Well done Eiji.
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Thanks...uhm...Bad Ass. 
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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10-19-2007, 10:30 AM
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#19
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Peterborough, Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,916
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gaa, it's too early to be talking about snow.
enjoyed this, though I think it could be structured more effectively
by allowing the extent of the N's predicament to be revealed more gradually.
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10-19-2007, 10:38 AM
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#20
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Thanks JR. I see where you're coming from. (I don't know if I feel like taking all the time to change it though!) I could just make the end the beginning and the beginning the end... 
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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