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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
10-17-2007, 06:05 AM
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#1
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Scribe
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Gender: Male
Posts: 51
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Our Angels
May angels guide your hair?
My angels want to love your face
May angels follow your stride to me?
My angels hide in fear
May angels show me your face?
My angels show me the way
May angels hold you tight?
My angels care naught for riches
May angels love your sweet perfume?
My angels cower at your eyes
May angels kiss you soft?
My angels dare not touch
May angels lead you in?
My angels shuffle and sway
May angels always show you the lust?
My angels jump, sing and dance
May angels watch your growth?
My angels throw me near
May angels hide my face?
My angels cry tears of joy
May angels... My angels.... Our angels?
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MeeQ for me, MeeQ for you... eeeeep!
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10-17-2007, 08:16 AM
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#2
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,240
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I like the contrasted phrases and the style.
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If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.  
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10-17-2007, 10:48 AM
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#3
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Scribe
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Gender: Male
Posts: 51
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thanks for the comment, means alot... thats been brewing in my head all night, got no sleep till i got out of bed and wrote it.
__________________
MeeQ for me, MeeQ for you... eeeeep!
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10-17-2007, 10:57 AM
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#4
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Writer
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeeQ
May angels guide your hair?
My angels want to love your face
May angels follow your stride to me?
My angels hide in fear
May angels show me your face?
My angels show me the way
May angels hold you tight?
My angels care naught for riches
May angels love your sweet perfume?
My angels cower at your eyes
May angels kiss you soft?
My angels dare not touch
May angels lead you in?
My angels shuffle and sway
May angels always show you the lust?
My angels jump, sing and dance
May angels watch your growth?
My angels throw me near
May angels hide my face?
My angels cry tears of joy
May angels... My angels.... Our angels?
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The theme of the poem seems so commonplace, yet the degree and intensity with which you plumbed deeper and deeper it proves yours is a good work of art. |
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10-17-2007, 08:10 PM
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#5
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Scribe
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Gender: Male
Posts: 51
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thanks mate, it really does mean a lot to me... my fiancee write me a letter and hid it in my pillow, and it was beautiful (once i evntually found it, she says she put it in there a few days before i found it  so i wrote this to her in reply.
__________________
MeeQ for me, MeeQ for you... eeeeep!
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10-18-2007, 04:38 AM
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#6
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Scribe
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Gender: Male
Posts: 51
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just curious... i have written a few more lines... but not exactly sure thhe poem needs it... any thoughts?
__________________
MeeQ for me, MeeQ for you... eeeeep!
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