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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
10-16-2007, 10:27 PM
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#1
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Addict
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: IN
Gender: Male
Posts: 100
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Zombie Invasion
It's kind of hard to capture the sensations of such a terrible event, if ever one occurred, but that's why I chose it...plus I like zombies...and 28 Later series. Tell me what you think.
Zombie Invasion
Sunny and cloudless
I awake.
A strange sensation.
It's quiet,
silence of solitude.
'Solitude?'
The city, silent.
The streets, empty.
'Cars abandoned?
Papers...scattered.
Billboards...
look at the billboards.'
A newspaper blows past...
Stomp. -step-
Bend.
Grasp.
Read... -Step-
'Invasion!
The billboards... -STep-
what do they say?'
"The end of days..."
'The end of days!' -STEp-
"...has come upon us.
Retreat, repent, survive!
Humans must...."
'Humans?' -STEP-
SHRIEK!!
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10-16-2007, 10:30 PM
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#2
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
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Don't know if it was your intention (I hope so) but I did find this amusing.  |
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10-16-2007, 10:31 PM
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#3
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: H-town, dawg! (in other words, Houston area, Texas)
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,248
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Dude, your title rocks.
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10-16-2007, 10:32 PM
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#4
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Addict
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: IN
Gender: Male
Posts: 100
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Baron: Not really sure what I intended it to be...I guess amusing fits.
Charlie: Thanks.
__________________
Official Signature Quote: "Wigga wigga nutshire!"
"Never let your schoolin' interfere with your education." -Mark Twain
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10-17-2007, 12:45 AM
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#5
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Banned
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: northeast USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 450
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would be better if there was more meat to it (no pun intended)
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10-17-2007, 09:05 PM
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#6
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Addict
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: IN
Gender: Male
Posts: 100
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Troth: that would take the mysteriousness and franticness from it...if there was any to begin with.
__________________
Official Signature Quote: "Wigga wigga nutshire!"
"Never let your schoolin' interfere with your education." -Mark Twain
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10-17-2007, 09:10 PM
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#7
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Banned
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: northeast USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 450
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Immortal
Troth: that would take the mysteriousness and franticness from it...if there was any to begin with.
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This is true. Great job then. It captures the essence of the series. |
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10-17-2007, 09:30 PM
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#8
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Hmm - This is indeed very much like 28 Days Later, but I'm sure the Englishmen on this board would know more about that...
Nevertheless, I only kind of liked this poem. I respect your attempt at a spare style - few, simple words does not mean that they are not carefully placed, just because they are not complex...
Anyway, I believe this poem would be much more effective if it were scaled down, maybe focus on the moment that is the meeting of man and zombie? Just a thought.
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"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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