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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
10-16-2007, 01:25 PM
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#1
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: England, the beautiful southwest.
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,293
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A wandering in my mind
The Baron (Shakespeare himself)
The Baron of literature
pours over the latest scripture
contemplating how to taint
what he considers faint.
Taking an axe to a willow tree
He creates his soliloquy
and destroys what was once
so quaint.
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10-16-2007, 01:40 PM
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#2
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
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I've achieved Hodge staus! But this is the wrong forum for flaming threads.
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10-16-2007, 01:41 PM
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#3
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Gender: Private
Posts: 448
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mermaid on the breakwater
The Baron (Shakespeare himself)
The Baron of literature
pours over the latest scripture
contemplating how to taint
what he considers faint.
Taking an axe to a willow tree
He creates his soliloquy
and destroys what was once
so quaint.
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Very clever little ditty that I have no critique for.
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So subtly is the fume of life designed
To clairfy the pulse and cloud the mind
And leave me once again undone, possessed.
- Edna St. Vincent Millay
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10-16-2007, 01:45 PM
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#4
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: England, the beautiful southwest.
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,293
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I am talking about Shakespeare and the rumours of his plagiarism.  |
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10-16-2007, 01:53 PM
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#5
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mermaid on the breakwater
I am talking about Shakespeare and the rumours of his plagiarism. |
Fair enough, my apologies. A little disappointed though, I thought that you were elevating me to the forum heirachy. 
I'll echo female wroters opinion, viewing it at face value. That really is an honest opinion.  |
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10-16-2007, 01:55 PM
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#6
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: England, the beautiful southwest.
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,293
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nop, sorry. But hey, you made the link not me...
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10-16-2007, 01:57 PM
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#7
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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Even though it is as a flame, for which I have no respect for - as a poem, I actually really like it. Nice (sort of).
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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10-16-2007, 07:36 PM
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#8
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,240
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mermaid on the breakwater
I am talking about Shakespeare and the rumours of his plagiarism. |
Naughty.
This has good rhythm, good flow, a hidden meaning, originality and speaks with experience. It's a flame, but it's a good flame. 
__________________
If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.  
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10-16-2007, 07:43 PM
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#9
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: AmbientArtists
Gender: Private
Posts: 3,749
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I think this works on two levels. The Shakespeare one is quite humorous and I can't really see anything to suggest changing. The Baron referance was something that annoyed me. It has nothing to do with the first meaning of the poem. Get rid of it and this will be a better piece.(I guess there was something to be changed after all...)
Nice one except for that. 
__________________
My hopeful book:
Crap! Haven't posted it anywhere yet, darn!
"Only tyranny cloaks itself in shadows. The light of justice can not be hidden."
www.theoddvillepress.com
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10-30-2007, 06:31 PM
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#10
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nashville
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,711
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Shit, lovely poem.
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10-30-2007, 07:44 PM
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#11
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
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I just wonder why you choose Baron, whicch in heraldry is the lowest title. I would have gone for Duke or Earl.
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10-30-2007, 07:45 PM
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#12
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nashville
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,711
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He chose it because it's your username, of course.
It's a lovely poem. Nice use of rhyme.
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10-30-2007, 07:46 PM
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#13
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: England, the beautiful southwest.
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,293
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baron
I just wonder why you choose Baron, whicch in heraldry is the lowest title. I would have gone for Duke or Earl.
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Precisely for that reason  |
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