t is for today - Writers Forum

brokenearphones · 10-14-2007, 02:59 PM

Like the little kid shows on Sundays mornings, T is for today.
(Can you say “today” children?) Trying (also starts with t) to
survive for (the word of TODAY is...) today. Can you make it
through just one more messed-up, pissed-off today (probably a
tomorrow, but let’s not
be too damn hopeful)?
Do you (yes) plug your
ears, try to rid the pain?
(Don’t lie little children,
they say it’s a big sin to
lie.) Guess I’m in some
trouble then –– insert
your favourite sweary
word here (now let’s
not be crude.) But I say
“shut up voices” ‘cause
T is for today, but it’s
also for the tomorrow
and either way I think
pretty sure I’ll ask you
if you can help-------

me?

Bryony · 10-14-2007, 03:21 PM

Wow I've never seen poetry written like this before. The words make it seem as though the writer is taking on the rold of a teacher so the reader feels as though someone is in control of them.

I like this because it feels like you're also getting the point of view of a child who's always told what to do, so the reader feels empathy.

Pete_C · 10-15-2007, 12:26 PM

I always have one question when I see things like this, and that is: "Would this poem survive without the formating, or does it need it to have any impact?"

It's hard to read, and worse of all it's irritating, and could piss people off before they even attempt to read it. I nearly left this thread as soon as I saw it.

However, it has a good tone and is interesting. There are some weak points, but overall it has some promise. I only found that out by pasting it into Word and removing the formatting.

Nice work, needs tweaking, but for me the formatting is a mistake.