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| Poetry Poems, Haiku & Tanka etc. |
10-09-2007, 09:40 PM
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#1
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: st. louis, misery
Gender: Male
Posts: 436
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we choose our poisons carefully
nyquil comas keep my sanity in check.
always falling backwards,
without getting out of bed.
we choose our poisons carefully.
if i could get my hands on some soma,
i wouldn't have to resort to such
juvenile
and dangerous methods of escape.
as things work now,
lucid dreaming would be useful.
but all the methods are too complicated.
so the time is wasted with forgotten dreams,
and carbon dioxide emissions.
__________________
My solo music: www.myspace.com/constantbullshit
"The cutting edge of this instant right here and now is always nothing less than the totality of everything there is." -Robert Pirsig
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10-10-2007, 08:08 AM
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#2
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,240
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For me this is one of your better works, TM.
__________________
If writing is wrong, I don't want to be right.  
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10-10-2007, 09:24 AM
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#3
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Wordsmith
Join Date: May 2007
Location: On course
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,925
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I simply echo what Van says.
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10-10-2007, 02:52 PM
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#4
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: st. louis, misery
Gender: Male
Posts: 436
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Thanks, it all flowed out just like that as I typed it.
__________________
My solo music: www.myspace.com/constantbullshit
"The cutting edge of this instant right here and now is always nothing less than the totality of everything there is." -Robert Pirsig
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10-11-2007, 06:18 PM
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#5
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: st. louis, misery
Gender: Male
Posts: 436
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edited version
we choose our poisons carefully
nyquil comas keep my sanity in check.
always falling backwards.
we choose our poisons carefully.
if i could get my hands on some soma,
i wouldn't have to resort to such
juvenile
and dangerous methods of escape.
as things work now,
lucid dreaming would be useful.
but all the methods are too complicated.
so the time is wasted with forgotten dreams,
and carbon dioxide emissions.
__________________
My solo music: www.myspace.com/constantbullshit
"The cutting edge of this instant right here and now is always nothing less than the totality of everything there is." -Robert Pirsig
Last edited by TinyMachines : 10-11-2007 at 06:20 PM.
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10-11-2007, 06:21 PM
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#6
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Writing Machine
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,994
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I more or less liked this. It actually left me expecting more, but for what it was I liked it.
__________________
"nothing is perfect, nothing lasts, and nothing is finished."
"how will you go about finding that thing the nature of which is totally unknown to you?"
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10-16-2007, 11:55 AM
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#7
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Scribe
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 98
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Nice job. A fine depiction of the pros and cons of being numb, I liked it.
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10-16-2007, 01:01 PM
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#8
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Banned
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: northeast USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 450
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TinyMachines
nyquil comas keep my sanity in check.
always falling backwards,
without getting out of bed.
we choose our poisons carefully.
if i could get my hands on some soma,
i wouldn't have to resort to such
juvenile
and dangerous methods of escape.
as things work now,
lucid dreaming would be useful.
but all the methods are too complicated.
so the time is wasted with forgotten dreams,
and carbon dioxide emissions.
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I love this. It is simple yet the message comes across clearly.
NyQuil= our liquid friend. |
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10-16-2007, 02:12 PM
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#9
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Profound Writer
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: London
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299
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Referring to the edited version, I liked this. It was almost a "nod" moment reading it with Tom Waits grinding out some dirge in the background. Grimy and slightly unsavoury tone; this works.
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10-16-2007, 02:28 PM
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#10
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: New York
Gender: Female
Posts: 279
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Ahh, NyQuil. What joys.
Cheers to a good poem. Go with the edited version.
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"The vivid tulips eat my oxygen."
-Plath
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10-19-2007, 06:23 PM
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#11
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: st. louis, misery
Gender: Male
Posts: 436
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Thanks people! I totally missed this the first time around.
__________________
My solo music: www.myspace.com/constantbullshit
"The cutting edge of this instant right here and now is always nothing less than the totality of everything there is." -Robert Pirsig
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10-19-2007, 06:27 PM
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#12
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Best Seller
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Britain
Gender: Male
Posts: 660
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There is alot in this to contemplate on such a night as friday, but
always falling backwards,
without getting out of bed.
particularly stood out to me as it reminds me of such an experience of being under the influence of substances once upon a time.
Good.
__________________
"In the end it is impossible not to become what others think you are." - Julius Caesar
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10-19-2007, 08:50 PM
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#13
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: st. louis, misery
Gender: Male
Posts: 436
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yeah, I talked the later of those lines over with a friend, and they think i dont ive enouh credit to the reader.
One time I took 4 doses of nyquil and didnt fall asleep for an hour, but I couldnt move.
3 keys on my keyboard broke. I am copyin and pastin one. uess what the other two are.
__________________
My solo music: www.myspace.com/constantbullshit
"The cutting edge of this instant right here and now is always nothing less than the totality of everything there is." -Robert Pirsig
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10-19-2007, 09:09 PM
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#14
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Ink Slinger
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: AmbientArtists
Gender: Private
Posts: 3,736
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TinyMachines
yeah, I talked the later of those lines over with a friend, and they think i dont ive enouh credit to the reader.
One time I took 4 doses of nyquil and didnt fall asleep for an hour, but I couldnt move.
3 keys on my keyboard broke. I am copyin and pastin one. uess what the other two are.
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"g" and maybe "'"(apostraphe?)
Um, nice piece... good images, if not poetically expressed, at least the emphaisi was placed well here.
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My hopeful book:
Crap! Haven't posted it anywhere yet, darn!
"Only tyranny cloaks itself in shadows. The light of justice can not be hidden."
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10-19-2007, 09:34 PM
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#15
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Prolific Writer
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: st. louis, misery
Gender: Male
Posts: 436
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you are correct sir. also h, but i am pastin it.
__________________
My solo music: www.myspace.com/constantbullshit
"The cutting edge of this instant right here and now is always nothing less than the totality of everything there is." -Robert Pirsig
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