Roma87

To my late Grandfather

As long as I can remember
You were there for me.
When I fell to my knees
Or when I was blind.
You were there to
Pick me up and guide me home.

I remember your embrace,
Your loving touch.
I can't forget your laugh,
Your gentle face.
Watching over me
As I go through life.

As long as I know
That you are there.
I will continue on
My journey to that land.
Let me see you there
Waiting for me, across the river.

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~Roma

"Only thing we have to fear is fear itself." FDR

SteMcGrath

I think this is a vast improvement from your first post. But it is still a little cliché. Maybe try a few metaphors.

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"He was over at our house struggling with a poem he could not finish, so I took him upstairs and gave him sex. He came down and finished that verse in twenty-five minutes."

Roma87

Heh. I defintely like posting here. I handed this into my Creative writing teacher and he gave me an A- and wrote two words, "Good work." Wish he had told me why I hadn't got an A+ then.

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~Roma

"Only thing we have to fear is fear itself." FDR

g-paw

Maybe the A- was because of the line I quoted from the 2nd stanza. To me, that stanza reflects a past tense, things already passed, but it ends in the now. Besides that, I can't see why you didn't get that grade either. Nice work.

SteMcGrath

It's a good place to post work. Just keep writing and you'll improve

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"He was over at our house struggling with a poem he could not finish, so I took him upstairs and gave him sex. He came down and finished that verse in twenty-five minutes."

Baron

I think that if you go through this, look at the ideas and think of how they could be expressed in a new way, you could haave an really good poem here.

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